Insanity of Past Transgressions

Enough

I decided on that late art class and then I was to meet Sara at her place. No sign of a robbery. Only the space of her bedroom area was shuffled. A struggle by the looks of it. A detective starts to ask questions.

I found her like this. He gave me a look that reminded me that I should have listened to him the first time..Has she mentioned problems with anyone?

No, I said..

So you don't live here he said as he scribbled in his notepad. I just shook my head feeling queasy. She was badly raped. He reminded with details as if wanting me to know how lucky I was to avoid such a tragedy. Do you have any enemies? He waited for a response.

I huffed a laugh back as I found the irony in the situation. Enemies when did I not have enemies.

Can you tell me anything that might help us figure out who did this?

I already told you I've had problems with gangs but she had no enemies as far as I knew. That's all I could think about. How innocent she actually was. She wasn't someone that would fight back or say something smart to piss someone off. She was good and now she is gone. I knew I'd have a better time at finding them than this detective.

You shouldn't be alone right now. We have resources, he began to say. Honestly I just wanted them gone.

I stood clutching the bracelet I managed to take from her cold wrist before they rushed her away. Hearing the clinking of it was all my mind wanted to focus on as I tuned out the detective's voice.

I'm sorry for your loss. I'll be in touch, he said before leaving.

Blue and red flickering all around me. The lights of the ambulance were a blur as it faded in the distance. Leaving me alone again in the darkness.. It had just begun to rain as the drops fell dripping down my face. I was unable to move and most of all frightened to leave her place. It was a strange feeling. Feeling that when I did leave I would really lose her forever.

I couldn't help but feel this was them, though I had no proof.

There were no more tears. I didn't have any left and I promised there would be no more.

I imagined the shock from taking a life would be excruciating however now that it was here I have to say my fears were overrated. I don't know why I was so worried about it. I thought about it as I looked down at the kids body. His body looked so broken as it laid against the old used mattress and broken up boxes. The scene looked alot like something from the TV show cops.

It really just looked like a random drug buy gone wrong. It would never lead back to me. I didnt feel guilty it was either them or me.

Of course I went for them a few at a time. A few were discovered in some alley around the corner. One was found in a trash bin behind the market while another found laying on the pavement in front of Dave's tool shack. I felt strong and almost invincible and that power grew every time I took another life.

What good are these new skills if I didnt put them to use? Was my philosophy. I didn't feel relief. No sadness, no terror, no guilt. I felt nothing. I just didn't care anymore. Killing them didn't bring her back, it didn't soften the pain, it only left me with the images that played over and over again in my mind.

...

So I've heard there's been a lot of gangs being taken out the past few days. You wouldn't know about that would you?

I didnt answer I just kept hitting the bag hoping he would tire and move on to my training.

I am proud Mira. You have come a great distance in a small amount of time but still don't let this change who you are. Defense is good but you shouldn't go looking for trouble.

They killed my friend. I responded as I wanted him to see the heroics in what I had done. Because I felt proud.

So I also heard you were kicked from school. Fighting was it Yeah? He took a moment to study my expression to see if there was some truth behind what he'd been saying. Yeah I did some digging. You weren't going to say anything. I was silent as he kept on talking. Kicked for fighting? He kept asking as if he really needed me to confirm what he had found.

If you keep going like this....

I didn't ask and I dont need any more lectures. He looked back at me in shock.

Very well I can't help you any further. You will be fine wherever you go. Take care of yourself. He said as he exited my life.

I was losing everything it seemed. I walked home feeling almost invisible. Maybe a part of me still wanted to feel guilty, take some part of responsibility for my actions but I couldn't. An empty vessel drained of all proof that life existed and as I stepped in I found my place had been run through. Besides the smashed up furniture and broken objects that used to be mine, a note was all that remained..

sorry about the bills...you'll figure something out..

I ran over to the freezer with the last bit of hope that I had left. Empty....of course. My roommate had bailed leaving me with bills that could not be paid and he stole my shit. Great. I didn't want to stay inside. A place that no longer felt like my own. If I stayed inside I would have to accept the fact that I was screwed. I turned on my heel and I sat on the stairs looking down at my phone. I just wanted to hear his voice but sadness was all that echoed on the other end.

Hey Mira what did you need? He sounded busy. Are you ok?

Not really...

I don't know how much help I'll be right now he said with a slight grunt that sounded as if he felt as good as I did. I'm sorry if I sound a bit short. I don't mean to just having some difficulties here.

It was like we were speaking the same language. The only language that could be understood by complete failures.

When he told me of Neela and Hans' betrayal I could not hear it. It angered me. Morimoto was in the hospital and he seemed alone. An all too familiar feeling.

Look Mira I know you're having a bad time but I could really use you here. It sounds like there really isn't anything there for you now. Come back to me.

That was all he had to say. It was what I was hoping for and I took the closest flight out.