Life goes on

Chapter 10

Warning:

This chapter consists of suicide. If this is a sensitive topic for you I suggest you stop reading now.

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Are you, are you, coming to the tree? I start to sing the hanging tree as my final act while I'm heading through the thick snow towards the woods.

Where they strung up a man they say who murdered three. I've murdered many more than three people. I'm a killer, designed by the games and that's all I'll ever be.

Strange things did happen here no stranger would it be. My hands are bleeding heavily now so it's difficult to carry the rope but I don't care. I don't have a reason to care about anything anymore.

I'm almost done with my song by the time I've reached the woods. If we met at midnight in the hanging tree.

I pick a tree that will do and head directly towards it. I'll die in the woods, a place where I once felt so happy.

Could this really be the woods I would hunt in with Gale? No, don't think about anyone. Nobody cares, if they did they would be here.

However, I can't shake the feeling that something's not right. It makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. But the alcohol has altered my senses and I'm probably just delusional right now.

I have to focus on the task at hand. I continue to sing to help me concentrate. For now I try to give myself small tasks.

Are you are you coming to the tree? Tie the rope, Katniss. Wear a necklace of rope side by side with me. With bloody hands I am somehow able to create a suitable noose, my muscles must have remembered from during the war.

As I sing my last line aloud I hear someone call my name in a soft voice behind me. I don't turn around. It's all in your head, Katniss. I think to myself. Get this last job done.

I begin to hook my rope on a branch when I hear the person say my name again this time with more urgency. No amount of alcohol could have made me hear that noise, I'm not alone in these woods.

I can't let them stop me. I have to keep going. I hear footsteps coming rapidly towards me and just when I'm about to commit my final act I'm tackled to the icy ground.

I shut my eyes and begin to cry not daring to look at who my attacker is. I just lay there weeping while they pin me down.

I'll never leave. I'll be forced to stay here and waste away forever. With no one. I won't love or be loved again. Everyone always leaves.

The person is shouting at me but I can't process any of the words they're saying, and to be honest I don't want to. I open my eyes to see who is holding me down and see the person I never thought I'd see again, Peeta.

All my emotions corse through me at once. Confusion, fear, anger. He's probably hijacked and will kill me. Either way I'll end up dead.

"Katniss! Katniss what are you doing?! Look at me, please!" These are a few of the sentences I'm able to piece together while he shouts at me.

Great, he's not hijacked. He's demanding answers, I just want him to leave. I don't even try to push him off of me. In my state I would never be able to accomplish such a thing.

So I do the only thing I can do and continue to cry and avoid opening my eyes.

"No, please let me go," I cry. "Let me go!" He will never let me go. Then I am able to create a brilliant thought. Maybe I don't need to get him off of me.

I reach my bloody hands up to face and drench my skin with the red liquid hoping to trigger something inside of him. I'll hijack him.

"I'm a mutt!" I scream at him. "I killed your family and I'm a stinking mutt!" I stare at Peeta straight in the eyes. I can't see that clearly because my eyes are cloudy with tears but I think I see his pupils dilate.

"You hate me!" I shout. "I'll kill you!"

"Katniss stop!" He screams back trying to hold on to his sanity. I feel bad for using this against him but he'd never let me leave if he weren't in his hijacked state.

"I'm a mutt! I-" that's when his fist punches my face.