Life goes on

Chapter 23

I don't feel anything anymore. An everlasting sense of numbness haunts me as I try to get back to District 12.

The only reassurance I have is the fact that Bonnie and Twill made it from District 8. If they made it, I should be able to as well. However they had something I don't.

Motivation.

They were fleeing to seek a chance at a better life. My chance at a better life is on the train heading towards the Captiol.

My trip becomes a blur. I walk for a few hours then get recognized by a few people in a car. They offer me a ride and I accept with zero concerns about my safety.

They're so happy they stumbled upon someone famous that they are willing to take me most of the way to District 12. I know they just want to hear about stories I won't tell but it's getting me closer to home. If I can even call it that.

After I while, my twisted mind justifies my act of disregarding Peeta by saying that I can convince someone in District 12 to bring him back. I know the chances are slim but it's a way to ease my conscious a little.

The rest of my trip was a blur. Between stumbling around on my own and getting help from others, I somehow made it to District 12.

Haymitch was shocked to see me. Although he tried to conceal it, I could tell he was glad to have me back. Happy to be around someone who understands. Unlike Peeta, who is all alone in the Captiol.

As soon as I got back I begged Haymitch to help get Peeta back. He said he'd try but seeing as how I'm not even supposed to be back, he doubts he'll be able to get Peeta back too.

They sent people out to get me and bring me to the Capitol, but none of them ever did. Maybe they saw how much I didn't want to go and didn't have the heart to take me, given everything that I've been through. Or maybe it was just because I was the "amazing Mockingjay" and they bent the rules just because I was famous. No matter the reason I'm greatful.

Months go by. I'm still hanging on to the thought that Peeta will return. Haymitch told me there's a rumor that Peeta made a deal to stay there and corporate if I could stay here. It's probably true.

Feels like the Games again. When the plan was always to help me and Peeta was usually agreeing with it. Like when Haymitch decided to give all the sponsors to me in my first Games. Or when they only rescued me from the arena.

I try not to think about it that much. Things get a little easier as the months go on. They opened up a school and during one of my walks I came across a young girl. She's a little younger than Rue.

Through breif meetings we began to become friends. After a while we began to meet everyday when I walk with her home from school.

She doesn't ask me about the Games or the war and doesn't care that I was the Mockingjay. She talks about the outdoors and animals. She is pure.

Pure like Rue and Prim. Both were more significant than people think. Rue was the first death that started the Revolution for me, and Prim was the last, that ended it.