Life goes on

Chapter 2

Warning:

This chapter mentions suicide so if this is a sensitive topic for you I suggest you stop reading now.

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I hear Peeta making his way up the stairs with Haymitch trying to catch up to him.

"Katniss?" Peeta yells while trying to locate which room I'm in.

"Look boy, she doesn't want to see you!" Haymitch says taking big breaths in between his words. Is he out of breath just from that short run? He really must be going soon.

I run up to the door and slam it shut. I sink to the floor with my back up against the door. Peeta must of heard the door slam because he makes his way over to my closed door.

"Katniss, are you there?" These words send me back to when I was in District 13 and Peeta was in the Capitol. He said these words right after he heard a clip of me singing. Peeta never deserved to be in the Capitol or to be hijacked. That was just a way for Snow to hurt me. And he was just a piece in their games.

I hear someone sobbing and realize that it's me. I always cry when I think about bad memories from District 13.

Peeta can't get in because I'm still have my back on the door preventing his entry. "Katniss, please let me in." He begs.

Hearing his sweet voice talk to me makes me cry even harder. I'm positive he can hear my sobs but I have no way of stopping them now. I just want him to leave. I don't want him to see me like this.

"Just go away!" I try to say firmly but my voice cracks. I put my head in my knees and continue to cry to myself.

"I thought Haymitch was just saying that you didn't want to see me in case I had an episode but if you want me to go, I will," He says. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." I saw quietly but loud enough for him to hear me.

"Ok, if that's what you want." It's the night before the quarter quell. I'm laying with Peeta's arm protectively wrapped around me.

"I dont want to be with anyone else in there." I say. "Just you." I sit up to look at Peeta's face.

"If that's what you want."

Images of the arena fills my head. Mags dying, being poisoned by fog, the jabberjays, Peeta's heart stopping.

When I snap back out of my flashback I realize Peeta has left. What a mess I must seem like to him. He left while I was crying and having a flashback. That's when it hits me.

Peeta will never be mine. He didn't deserve to go through the games, hijacking, or the war. And he sure doesn't deserve a crazy girl like me.

Sadness rings all throughout my body. I feel a pang in my chest that doesn't go away. I'm alone. And I always will be. My breaths become shallower and shallower with each one I take.

I will never find someone or have tiny children to take care of. I will never have a purpose to my life. I already was their Mockingjay and went through a war. That's enough for one lifetime, right?

My feet pick themselves up and before I'm fully aware of what's happening I'm moving downstairs and wind up in the kitchen.

Why did I come here? What was I trying to do? My head was filled with thoughts I didn't even realize-

Then I see it. The bottle of pills I left out from my headache earlier. I left it open just sitting on the counter. Like my old self knew I would need them.

I immediately go towards them and start downing the pills. I start to think that they're not strong enough so I grap another bottle of drugs and take those too. That should be enough to ease me out of this world. To let me finally achieve death, the thing I have escaped so many other times.  Maybe I'll even get to see Prim.

I don't know how long it's been since I took the pills. A minute, five, ten, thirty? It doesn't matter soon I'll be gone.

I hear Haymitch come in and I can see his eyes widen and his jaw drop when he sees me with the empty pill bottles in my hand. I start to black out and the last thing I process is Haymitch running towards me and screaming my name.