Unreciprocated Feelings Between Me And You

chapter | f i v e

five | thoughts and maniacs

I'M ON MY way to the canteen to have my lunch and I feel weird.

I don't know how to explain it exactly. It's like today's events just happened in a flash that not a single thing is properly registering in my brain. I feel so many emotions right now that it's just flooding my system, drowning me, and leaving me unable to concentrate on anything.

First of all, of course, I'm happy. I am because I feel like it's the universe itself that's giving me the chance to rekindle all my fractured relationships with people who still mean so much to me. At least now that we're classmates, I have more time—and that alone is gold. But I know to myself that this would also be difficult for me because being in the same room as them is just a constant reminder of my pain, regret, and stupidity. I'm nervous, excited, and downright overwhelmed with the different possibilities of what can happen during this school year that my mind seems to have stopped functioning due to overdrive.

But who knows? Maybe I'm just getting worked up all for nothing.

God, I can truly be so melodramatic.

Sometimes, I wonder if my life would become easier if I didn't have a single dramatic bone in my body. I'm sure I wouldn't think a lot, read too much into a situation, and I definitely wouldn't empathize with everyone I meet all the time too. Oh, if only...

I sigh in utter relief when I see that there aren't many students lining up to buy yet so I immediately make my way over there. I have no intentions of being late for lunch today because the canteen easily gets crowded and I'm not really in the mood to be patient. But then again, it was never one of my strengths anyway.

My usual big smile is on my face when Ms. Gabriella, one of our lunch ladies, notices me. "Good morning, Ms. Gabby," I greet her since it's still just 11:00 in the morning. I would've greeted the rest of the staff too but I can see how busy they are with their work.

She gives me a toothy grin, a friendly aura surrounding her. "Hey, Sia! It's been a while. We missed you!" she says and that warms my heart. They're smooth, easy words but they still strike me deeply. "No El and Gwen, hm?"

"Elena is still on her vacation and Gwendalyn's sick," I nonchalantly share. "How's your son though? He's in the 5th grade now, right?" I inquire.

She nods earnestly. "Yup. You should've seen him. He was so excited for his first day! They just had their lunch less than an hour ago actually," she tells me and I listen attentively. "Now, what would you like to have?"

My eyes leave her and scan through the menu of the day with a big smile on my face. Lunch is always something to look forward to because our menu changes daily. There are so many delicious meals prepared today that have me salivating such as the Greek yogurt chicken salad, the fresh spring rolls, the sesame soba noodles, the cream of mushroom soup, the chicken mole; but I decide to buy the white pesto pasta and iced coffee.

I grab my tray and say a quick thanks to Ms. Gabriella before looking down at my food. It looks so tasty and it smells so good that it's making my stomach churn.

I turn around from where I'm standing and bravely face the entirety of the canteen.

This is one of my secret reasons as to why I don't want Elena and Gwendalyn to be absent, like, ever—I have no one to sit with during lunch.

It's odd, isn't it? I'm the friendliest student here in the institute but I still have trouble looking for someone to sit with during lunch. But as odd as it may seem to others, it has always been clear to me. I never belonged with the rest of my friends as much as I belonged with Elena and Gwendalyn and that says a lot for me.