Unreciprocated Feelings Between Me And You

chapter | t w e n t y - t w o

twenty - two | wound after wound

THEY'RE KNOCKING ON my room. I can hear their voices and they're asking me to go out, to eat with them.

I stay in the bed. I refuse to leave. I refuse to see anyone. And I refuse to talk. I am here while my grandmother is fighting for her life in another country. Nothing they can say will make this situation better.

I want to go home. I want to be by her side. I want to see her, hug her. I want to care for her. It pains me to know that I can be there for so many people but not my own grandmother.

"Selena, please," Daddy begs right outside my door. "Come out. Eat. Sulking wouldn't make it any better."

I block out his voice. It's already too noisy in my head, too chaotic. I can't listen to them. It's not that I don't want to. I want to eat with them. I want to talk about what will happen now. I want to get strength from them. They're the only ones I can rely on. But I can't bring myself to get out of this room.

I hug my knees to my chest and bury my head. I want to cry. I want to get rid of this pain. But I'm scared that if I start crying, my tears won't stop. I'm too hurt. I'm too broken.

Everything in my life is falling apart and I have no idea how to piece myself back together. I'm trying so hard to resemble the old version of myself that I still remember, but I'm failing miserably because everything I experience only shatters me more. No matter what I do, I still get hurt in the end.

I've never felt weaker in my life than I do right now. I've never been more helpless, more lost. My father is getting married to another woman; his fiancée is pregnant; the guy I like has feelings for another girl; I'm too pressured with my studies; and now, my grandmother is at the hospital. What more does the world have to throw at me? What else do I have to go through before I ultimately give up?

The next day, I call my sister early in the morning to check up on my grandmother. I know that mommy isn't herself right now so I won't get a proper answer from her. Geraldine is shocked by what happened as well but I also know she'd be more composed about the situation.

"Her doctor said she's already stable and that she can come home after a few days," I let a big sigh of relief when I heard that. Thank you, Lord. "She just really needs to rest for now."

I stare at her for a long time. She has her head down and she won't look at me. She's sniffing too and her nose is red. She's guilty of something. "Be honest with me, Geraldine. Why did nanay have a heart attack?"

She sniffs again and wipes her tears away. "H-Her blood pressure increased. M-Mommy and I were fighting a-and she tried to help, but things got w-worse then she just—she just—"

She couldn't even finish her sentence. I can't believe her! I can't believe them!

My eyebrows furrow and anger quickly overtakes my system. I abruptly stand up and release all my anger on her, "What the hell were you thinking?! What were you fighting about?! What were you fighting about that caused our grandmother to have a fucking heart attack?! Couldn't you and mommy have settled that in another way?! Fuck! What is wrong with you?!

"Do you know what your problem is, Geraldine? You're so selfish! You're so self-absorbed! You only think about yourself! It's always about you! I'm hurt! I'm angry! I'm sad! Shit, Geraldine! Shit! Why can't you learn to control your emotion?! You're not the only one who's suffering! You're not the only one in pain! The world doesn't revolve around you!"

"You don't get me! You don't understand! What do you want me to do?! Be happy?!" She yells at me, tears streaming down her face. "I found out that Daddy got his fiancée pregnant! He got her pregnant!"