Unreciprocated Feelings Between Me And You

chapter | t w e n t y - t h r e e

twenty - three | hazy and happy

MADDOX BRINGS ME to an ice cream parlour when I calmed down. Tears are still streaming down my face but at least I'm not shaking anymore. I'm not wailing too.

We're not talking to each other. He hasn't tried. And it's a good thing. I don't plan to answer. If I speak, I know I'd only break down again.

I just want to be with him. I want to have this stolen little fragment of a moment. There's a possibility it might be the last.

We're sitting next to each other right now, eating our own ice creams. He's eating vanilla and I'm eating chocolate. Now that I think about it, we're boring.

Before taking another scoop, I wipe another tear that's fallen and sniff. My face feels sticky and so does my neck. My hair is all over the place. My cheeks are so wet, my nose is red, and my eyes are undeniably puffy. I know I look crazy right now. At this point, why should I even bother to fix how I look? It's not like fixing my appearance would fix my life.

He passes me a tissue and I accept it wordlessly. I continue eating my ice cream and crying my eyes out after that.

When we finish our desert, we stay inside his car. I know he's contemplating if he should bring me home or not. I don't tell him anything. Both options are equally bad. I smile bitterly in my head. I have nowhere to go.

He drives us back to school and I feel partially relieved. Partially. I don't want to see Destiny or any of her friends. Hell, I don't even want to see any of my best friends. I don't want to see anyone. But I can't neglect my studies. My scholarship is on the line. I can't take it for granted. I need to double my efforts so that I can fix my grade in Chemistry.

Maddox doesn't say a word to me when I get out of his car. He doesn't say a word even when he sits down next to me in class. He just stays right by my side.

When I get home, I go straight to mommy's room. I fall to the floor and there, I cry my heart out again. I sob loudly, I sob against the door. The four walls of this room is taunting me as I let every cry out.

They pursue me again in the night. They're telling me to eat. I don't listen. I just lie in bed, letting my tears fall. I stopped crying a while ago but when I heard daddy's voice, the tears begin again. I can't move, I can't get up. I'm too weak. That's how I fall asleep.

When I wake up, everything physically hurts. My emotions are all over the place, my mind has gone insane, and I'm also physically hurt now. Well done, Selena. Well done.

I go to school feeling like a zombie. I'm acting like one too.

I don't talk to anyone. My friends try to talk to me again but I keep my mouth shut. I only speak when I need to answer for recitations. My teachers even approach me to ask what's wrong, but I don't give them a clear response. They don't need to know what's happening in my life. I appreciate the concern, I don't appreciate the curiosity.

I hide in the farthest corner of the library during lunch. I eat as I keep myself company in the silence of a nearly empty room and in the silence of my demented thoughts.

I cross paths with Destiny once and she's walking with Maddox. The both of them freeze when they see me but I just walk pass them. Seeing how Maddox reacted, I already know he's aware of my true feelings.

When I get home, I get a small meal and immediately work on my assignments. After accomplishing not even half of it, I cry myself to sleep. That's how my routine has been for the rest of the week.

By the time Saturday arrives, I'm still no better. But I don't act like it in front of the adults. Darcy can't be stressed because she's carrying a baby. Ruby also have her personal issues to worry about. I know that if she sees I'm not doing well, she'd do what it takes to put a smile on my face. As for my father, I just want to see him happy.