everlasting

treacherous

the last time i saw you was june, three years ago.
it was sunny and warm, but you were cold.
i remember all the  
memories that still don't make sense to me,
and 10 voicemails that i never heard. 
i'd say that i'm sorry, but you know that
i could never say sorry to you,
without hating myself back. 
i don't want to feel sorry for you,
because we both know that
our apologies were worthless. 

i don't know how you could think
i'd still be your friend, when you left me,
waiting for you to come back.
i don't know how you could think 
that your stupid t-shirts and carnival cotton candy
could fix everything you ruined.
i don't know how you can hurt someone so bad,
and then try to take it all back. 
i don't know how you can stand there in your pjs,
thinking about our best days,
without bothering to wash your bloody hands.
and i don't know how you can look at me say
that you always loved me and that
this is just a phase.
no, this love is treacherous.

this love is treacherous,
but i wanted to keep fighting for it.
when i let you win, you were still losing,
and now you're fighting for something
thats already gone and lost and torn.
and here we are again,
playing all of our old games,
because although we like to think it,
we've never grown up.
here we are, thinking we could do this,
when we should've given up.
when you think of me, i wonder if you think of me,
or if you think of all my treachery. 
if you do, i'm sorry. 

this love was treacherous,
but i still want you to be happy.
this love was treacherous,
but i hope you could be able to find peace.