we are not the same-
i spend my weekends gossiping
about shallow shit with my friends,
while you keep your head up high,
when people like me try to drown you in.
i act like 20 different people,
and i'm a hypocrite and unpredictable,
and i can't let go of old grudges
that don't even make sense.
{but all twenty want you, anyways.}
you're not the evil backstabber
who i made you out to be.
i'm sorry, that's just my
hopeless devotion to people who
couldn't care less about me.
and you're good and stronger
than you ever thought you could be-
i look at myself and see a tight person
who will never let things be.
i have never felt so embarrassed
about everything i do, until i met
a person as brave as you.
i watch you talking about your tabby cat
or some stupid, funny story from a year ago,
and looking at you makes me want you more.
{but wanting you makes my guilt soar.}
all the times you were there,
when i should have been for you,
eat me up until i am nothing more.
and i'm too scared to face you,
because i don't know if i want
to do the things that you do,
or if i'm just in love with someone new.
sometimes i think that it would be better if you left,
and drove somewhere miles away
to people with different lives and different names,
but my selfish desires would
never allow me to make that wish.
i know that it's unfair to make you my redemption arc,
but i think that's what this is.
