"remember how I'd fly to you?"
( 𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐒𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐃 )
❛ two broken people
trying to heal eachother,
that's love ❜
in which two very broken souls find each other and try to put...
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And I've been meaning to tell you I think your house is haunted Your dad is always mad and that must be why I think you should come live with me
❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✷ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜
CAS MADE HER DECISION. IT MAY have been a stupid decision, but she knew it was right, and she had to do it. She was of age. If she wanted to keep living this life she had to do it. She had to get married.
He was a nice man, whose mother thought Cas was pretty and was giving his son an arranged marriage. Frigga had helped with the plan, and though Cas knew that Frigga hated said plan, things were in order.
Cascadia Finndottir was getting married. Just to add to the lies she was hidden behind.
She didn't expect Loki to be happy about it either. He thought marriage was stupid and parties were a lot to handle. Cas didn't blame him either. She just needed to do this. Arranged marriage was a large thing in Asgard, and Cas was a member of the Royal court too, therefore, the wedding would be a larger affair.
She tracked down Loki, walking with him back to her room, leaning against the poster of her bed, looking down.
"What was it you wished to talk to me about?" Loki asked, seemingly annoyed with the subject. "I don't have all day."
"I'm leaving, Loki," Cas says, her breath shaky when she looked at him, trying to read his expression.
"Why?" He demanded, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I'm getting married, Loki," She says, rubbing the back of her neck with her fingertips.
Her skin was soft and warm, but she didn't care about that. She was lost in the look in his eyes, emerald, and striking, it scared her with every ounce of her when he said nothing. Chewing on her lip she looked down, still waiting for a response.
"I didn't know that you found your match," he hissed, but Cas saw right through it, realizing that he wasn't mad, he was hurt. Parallel emotions on him, but she could tell. She couldn't however tell what was going through his mind and even if she could, she wouldn't be able to fathom what was going on in there.
"I didn't it was arranged by my mother," Cas said, the lies spewing out as if they were the truth. But Loki couldn't see through them, they were well backed up, and as far as Cas knew, Loki trusted her.
"Why didn't you get out of it?" He demanded, getting harsher by the second.
"I couldn't! This is what my mother raised me to be, a good wife," It hurt to say it, it felt odd to say it.
"You wouldn't make a good wife," Loki snapped, his voice cutting deep. It shouldn't have made as much of an impact as it did, but it did. '
"Excuse me?" Cas asked, raising her eyebrows and shoving away the lump in her throat. "you get mean when you're angry."
"Oh I'm sorry," Loki seethed, giving her a look, that if they could kill she would be living out eternal damnation in hel. "Did I strike a nerve?"
She didn't want to say yes, because if she was to do so it would be submitting to what he wanted. She couldn't say no because he could see through that, Loki could read her white lies.
He couldn't read the lies that shaped her entire existence on Asgard, as those were laced in onyx, hiding secrets buried deep beneath the currents of her mind, hidden from even Loki's view. He was intrusive when it came to Cas, and her thoughts. that was the most energy-draining thing. Keeping shields up to keep him out.
"Get out," Cas growled quietly at first, but when Loki didn't move, she yelled it, frustrated with him. She wasn't going to cry in front of him.
When he left, she collapsed, falling on her bed in tears, wishing Loki could pretend to be happy for her. but he wasn't. The fact that he didn't try to talk her out of it and instantly went to insulting her was painful. She wished that he talked her out of it. She wished that he told her to not do it, or tried to console her in some way hurt more than his words did.
It was like he didn't care.
which was of course a crazy accusation because she saw it in his eyes. But laying on her bed she couldn't stop thinking the worst, that he never actually cared about her, that he was just pretending. That their friendship was all a lie.
It was built on lies. Not completely, the feelings she had for him, were strong and not lies, they screamed at her from afar, telling her that they were best friends.
Loki was her only friend. They were drawn to each other because they were both broken, with terrible fathers and feeling like they didn't belong.
But Cas did belong. She belonged in Asgard, more than any other place she went. If t wasn't for Loki she wouldn't have stayed.
That's why it hurt so much. Because his approval was so important to her, and he shattered any thought of him thinking that she was making the right decision.
It was a stupid decision. There wasn't anything she could do to get herself out of the hole she dug.
She was in for a long night of sulking, so she changed into something to sleep in, curled under the linens with a sigh, fully prepared to wallow in self-pity. Her mind wandered to Loki. She assumed he was brooding in his room, sulking and playing the same waiting game.
Wasn't everything a waiting game? waiting until the next thing, the next fight, sight, experience? it felt that way to Cas. The waiting game she played with herself this time, waiting for the impact of someone figuring it out.
She was definitely not ready for that.
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