"remember how I'd fly to you?"
( 𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐒𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐃 )
❛ two broken people
trying to heal eachother,
that's love ❜
in which two very broken souls find each other and try to put...
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How evergreen, our group of friends Don't think we'll say that word again And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls That we once walked through
❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✷ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜
WEEKS OF MINDLESS LOVING SLIPPED AWAY quickly down a delicate drain of something neither party regretted. They just followed the thoughts, nothing really mattered in the shared moments. Bubbly kisses and loud laughter, the first weeks of them being more than friends slipped away like a bottle of wine, in perfect strokes of gracious beauty
It was between golden kisses and days spent under the trees, reading together. It was mindless page flipping and candle lighting, whispers of hopeless grins and wanderlust that got the two believing in each other more than ever.
Their love was nothing more than childish hoping at the moment. It was a honeymoon filled with secrets that rested on Cas's shoulders, the same ones that didn't phase Loki to wonder. It tasted of sweet honeysuckle, a sickly sweet one at that.
The world was open to new possibilities. To Cas, Loki was the stars, and to him, she was the greatest thing to be on Asgard. To eachother, they found a forever home.
Cas realized that kissing Loki was better than Valhalla, Elysium, Heaven, and Aaru all put together. It was the best feeling in the world, and Cas was quickly addicted. He was her new favorite thing.
She still hadn't told him.
The nightmares that plagued her sleep were getting worse by the day. Every breath started to hurt slightly, in the back of her ribs she felt it. She couldn't just disappear without a word. Especially not after only a month of being with Loki, and with Thor becoming king soon.
Even with her waking up, having to was ivory off of her hands, scrubbing until the water turned black, and having to rinse it down the drain.
With every time Frigga told her he'd understand if she told him, Cas doubted it more. Cas could see how Loki got when he was lied to.
Finding out that Cas wasn't who he thought she was would be a big issue.
So Cas continued to hide her pain. She hid the fact that Asgard was slowly killing her, the fact that she was a disappointment to her mother, and, of course to Loki. She hid the fact that every time she went to sleep she would wake in a sweat, every mark on her body inked in stygian would sting.
Loki and Cas never brought up any topics that Cas could spill every secret that was tying her here. Every lie that was keeping her attached to him. Every lie was vital to her survival on Asgard. No matter how tedious, no matter how painful.
Cas loved Loki. That part wasn't a lie. the things she did, most of the things she said weren't lies. The person she created, was a lie.
She didn't lie about falling in love with Loki. She really did love him. He really was her best friend. He really was the best thing in her life. There was no denying that, no matter how hard she tried.
she wanted to tell him, she really did. But she knew how he would react. He'd be mad and stop being in love with her. She would have to leave the only place that ever really felt like home, the only place she ever felt safe. the only place she ever felt life attached to. To the only person who she ever saw herself in.
Loki was, despite the lies, Cas's best friend. Loki was Cas's favorite thing, her tether to the world she existed in.
Cas loved the way he smiled, the way his hair lay when he just woke up, the way he kissed her temple when walking past quickly, the way he would let her come in when she wasn't sleeping well. Loki was the thing that kept nightmares at bay, and Cas soon came to find that sleeping without him was getting harder and harder.
Loki would sometimes come in seeking refuge from his own nightmares, though they weren't as regular as Cas's, he would still come in, and Cas would let him lay down, thankful that he woke her up from her own nightmares.
Sometimes, they would just stay awake and talk. It was usually about something relating to Loki, which Cas didn't at all mind. the topics ranged from his father to the stars.
Cas especially liked the latter topic. She had a whole bunch of star knowledge (it made sense because she was the goddess of them) and she could point out every constellation viewable from the palace grounds.
"That one's-" Cas started, her head in Loki's lap as they leaned against a tree on a clear night. She pointed up at an array of stars, beautiful in the night. "That one's Andromeda I believe."
"Mmm," Loki said. "That would be a nice name for a girl."
"yes," Cas replied. "a very pretty name." Loki toyed with her hair as they sat in the grass.
"what about that one?" Loki asked, pointing to a particularly bright one.
"That's either Sirius or Polaris," She said. "I would be able to tell on Midgard, but I'm not too familiar with the Asgardian stars."
"is there a star named after you?" Loki asked, leaning back slightly.
"no," Cas said. "Cascadia isn't the best star name."
"That's not true," Loki said. "you'd make an amazing star."
"I have made stars," Cas said, absentmindedly. Loki laughed, thinking she was joking, but Cas didn't correct him, she just carried on, naming constellations, and Loki pointing out that those would be good baby names.
Cas realized in moments like those, that Loki was her everything. That when she longed for the stars, she could just go to him. Because to her, Loki was the stars.
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❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✷ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜
AUTHOR SPEAKS!
this was a cute fluff chapter, and there will be some angst coming!
it's been a bit since a Cas and Loki argument (I say this as I realize their last argument was literally a chapter ago)
