━━ chapter five

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FIVE

in over your head

your braids make a patternlove you to the Moon and to Saturnpassed down like folk songsthe love lasts so long

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your braids make a pattern
love you to the Moon and to Saturn
passed down like folk songs
the love lasts so long

❛ ━━━━━━・❪ ✷ ❫ ・━━━━━━ ❜

THE WHOLE TIME THAT HER "WEDDING" was being planned, Cas was feeling guilty. 

The first thing being her mother. This wasn't something her mother would've wanted. It wasn't getting married for love, and Cas knew that was something that her mother strongly believed in. Sure, this was Cas's choice, and she hadn't spoken to her mother in over 200 years. 

The next was that she hadn't made up with Loki. She didn't want their friendship to end like this. She wasn't ready to lose Loki. 

She focused her energy on her hands as she stood in the room, measurements being taken by seamstresses, fitting her in a white dress. 

She had a feeling that everything was wrong. 

She wasn't going to complain and become a burden. Odin already hated her and hate that he was being forced to hold a wedding for Cas. Odin disliked her already, and things were just getting worse with his required attendance in a wedding he didn't wish to see. 

Everything was going to be beautiful, everything was going to be amazing. Cas couldn't help but gag at that fact. She badly didn't want to get married, but this was a choice she made. Not Odin, not Frigga, hers. 

She just had to be quiet.

❛ ━━━━━━・❪ ✷ ❫ ・━━━━━━ ❜

EVERYTHING HAD FALLEN APART. HER WORLD, the one she'd created was crumbling around her, leaving her to maneuver away from the debris. Seated in the palace kitchen, her fiance stood next to her, an arm around her waist as she sat on the counter, speaking to one of the cooks. 

Her fiance was a widow, a man who didn't love Cas either, and they had spoken before the ordeal. It was a marriage of convenience. 

She didn't see the door click open, She didn't see Loki come in. She didn't think about the fact that a man that she didn't even really like had his arm around her, and it would make Loki clench his jaw like that. She didn't think that when Cas looked at her fiance, Loki would storm out. 

That time, she heard the door. 

She removed his arm from her waist and followed Loki out the door, down the hallway. He was angry and There was no doubt in Cas's mind that he heard her. 

"Loki please!" Cas called, getting him to finally turn around, letting her catch up to him. "I know that you're mad at me, but please, I can't fight with you anymore."

"let's not make a scene," Loki hissed, walking down the hallway, letting her follow him into the library. 

"Loki I-" he held up a hand to stop her, before crossing his arms. 

"Congratulations, if that's what you want from this," He said, his voice dry. 

"You could pretend to be happy for me," Cas scoffed, doing her best to not yell at him. She couldn't handle him at this moment. She wished she could just storm out, but something was telling her to stay. 

"Isn't that what I'm doing?" Loki growled, seeming pissed at Cas. Like he knew that she initiated this. It wasn't like she could stop it, it wasn't like leaving her only friend was easy. 

"I don't want to stop being your friend," Cas admitted, both to Loki and herself, knowing that this would mess everything up. 

"I won't see you once you go off and you'll be happy without me anyway," Loki said in a brooding tone, making Cas roll her eyes. She didn't know how to handle this man. 

"Fine," Cas sighed, turning her back on him as she walked back down the hallway, back into the kitchen. 

She had a new life now. If that meant leaving Loki behind, fine. Fine. 

it was all going to be fine. 

❛ ━━━━━━・❪ ✷ ❫ ・━━━━━━ ❜

LOKI WAS NEVER THE TYPE TO hide from confrontation. Now, however, he locked himself in his room, his seðir allowing his book to float before him, not even having to use his hands as he read. But he wasn't truly reading, with every word that passed, Loki thought of her. 

Cas and her eyes, her hair, her smile. He couldn't lose that. He couldn't lose her knowledge of the universe, the stars, and all of the galaxy, who would've known

But he was going to. She was leaving him. With all his heart he wanted to convince her to stay, for him, for him. 

He couldn't watch her leave him. With her starry smiles and serene glances. He couldn't lose these years, the ones that made indents on his skin, permanently scarring him from falling in love again. 

yes, again. 

He knew of his feelings for Cas. He couldn't dare tell her, she was getting married in two days. He couldn't ruin her happy ending like that. He just wished that her happiness was with him. 

He found her smile intoxicating and he wished that he could keep it, to be hers. He wouldn't be opposed to spending all of eternity with her, all of the time he had. It wouldn't be such a torturous existence if she was there. 

But she was leaving him. 

He knew he would be selfish to go down there and see her before the affair, a send away if you will. He just couldn't let her go without saying goodbye. But saying goodbye would hurt, worse than anything he expected to experience. 

He wouldn't be able to forgive himself. Cas was one of his favorite people, and if he just let her walk away like that, not only would he be disappointed in himself, his mother would be too. 

She was leaving him. Going onto better things. He couldn't help but be bitter about it. She deserved to be happy. 

But why did her happiness have to be with someone else?

But why did her happiness have to be with someone else?

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❛ ━━━━━━・❪ ✷ ❫ ・━━━━━━ ❜


AUTHOR SPEAKS!

so uh I did this, and the theme song for this chapter is death by a thousand cuts by Taylor Swift. Sorry for this It gets better I promise

also It's been a bit since I've updated because I've just been talking to Keira about Cas and Loki and writing things that have no importance to the plot 

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