FALSE GOD, loki laufeyson

━━ chapter twelve

TWELVE:

I can't handle it anymore

You had a speech, you're speechless
Love slipped beyond your reaches
And I couldn't give a reason
Champagne problems

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✷ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

THE CONVERSATIONS SHARED BETWEEN THE TWO gods were usually quiet and calm. They hadn't fought in a while, not since they started being more.

But sitting in Cas's room, a conversation Bubbling between them Cas had no choice but to make a rash decision.

Cas didn't bring up her father or mother often, she feared saying too much would reveal everything. She couldn't risk losing him of all people.

It was protection.

Her legs were on the desk as Loki complained about his father. She wasn't really listening, just nodding along and looking out the window, hearing the occasional snide remark about Odin's parenting skills (spoiler alert, they were horrible). Cas only wished she could place input on the conversation, but the weight of what she could say if she could or did remained too heavy.

"Who is your father, Cas?" Loki mindlessly asked, not realizing that the question would make her heart stop. She tried to even out her berth as he continued, "I assume he's Asgardian."

"I don't want to talk about him," Cas said, a tone in her voice showing anger, not on purpose, but it proved the point as she looked out the window.

"Your mother?" Loki offered.

"Drop it," Cas hissed, looking out the window and crossing her arms. The two of them sat in silence for a long time.

They were seated on either side of a desk by a window, both of their legs resting on the top of the table. Cas's legs were crossed at the ankles atop of the mahogany surface, and one of Loki's was against the side of it, his other heel resting atop it.

"Loki," Cas said, breaking the silence. What was the worst that could happen? She took a deep breath as Loki looked at her, turning his head slightly. "There's something I should tell you."

"of course, my love," He said with a soft smile. Cas realized at this moment that Loki deserved so much better than what Cas had to offer. if this was the end, this was the best way to go.

"I um," She didn't know how to tell him that his best friend and girlfriend had been living a lie for the lifetime they knew each other. "I lied to you." Loki's face changed, from calm to betrayal in seconds, and his feet fell to the floor.

"What?" He demanded, his voice becoming harsh.

"I'm greek," She said with a sigh. "I'm not Asgardian."

"What?" Loki demanded again, standing up. Cas felt very small.

"My father is Hades, and my mother is Persephone," She said, watching as he got even angrier at her. Cas understood wholeheartedly and hated that he was angry, but knew he had every right to be.

"Norns, Cas," Loki scoffed, running a hand through his hair. "I can't believe you."

"I know and I'm so sorry," Cas said, standing up, reaching out to him, his back turned to her.

"I'm sorry isn't enough!" Loki yelled, and Cas flinched, watching as he whipped around.

"Loki please," Cas said, trying to stay calm.

"Please what?" Loki demanded. "please forgive me for lying to you? What else were you lying about Cas?"

"Nothing," She said. "Nothing. Nothing else, I promise."

"Why are you even here?" Loki demanded. "You're no Norse, you're greek, you never belonged."

"I know," Cas said. "I've never belonged anywhere."

"This is why," Loki scoffed, running a hand through his hair. "you never talked about your parents."

"yes," Cas admitted. She looked at him and saw it in his eyes.

The one person he trusted had been lying to him the whole time. The one person he loved more than anything was nothing more than just a liar like the rest of them. He probably wondered if she had been lying about everything.

He didn't say anything, he just looked away from her, not making eye contact. The silence was drawling, too long. This wasn't their usual silence. This was one filled with the unknown of what Loki was thinking, how he felt. For the first time with Loki, Cas longed for something other than silence. 

She could only guess. Of course, she knew that he felt betrayed because who wouldn't feel betrayed? Cas was a traitor. Cas was a liar. It wouldn't surprise Cas if Loki never wanted to see her again. Cas wouldn't either. 

"You have to understand," She said breathily, looking at him, trying to find some way to hold onto him, to keep herself standing. "That I didn't do this to be a traitor, to be a liar. I wanted somewhere that I didn't get recognized. I needed something— someone I could be without getting told that I'm worthless every damn day. And I understand if you can't forgive me, but I can't lose you." everything was a mad dash of words, things she wanted to say to someone but couldn't. 

Loki didn't say anything for a while, he just looked near her. He couldn't even look at her. Cas was looking at him, her eyes teary as she sighed

"I'm sorry," She whispered. "I know I crossed a line."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Loki asked gently. Cas shook her head with pursed lips. 

"Because I know you, Loki. Because I knew that you were gonna react exactly like this and I wasn't ready for you to be disappointed in me." Loki nodded, looking down slightly. 

"I must say," He began, smiling as he resumed his previous seat, his feet on the desk before him. "you did lie to me and I had no idea. I'm pretty impressed."

Cas let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and sat down on her exhale. Her hands shook slightly as she set them in her lap, her eyes focused on the carvings inside of the mahogany on the table. She looked back up at Loki, who was studying the contents outside of the window. 

Maybe not everything was fixed, not everything was perfect but it was enough. 

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ✷ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

AUTHOR SPEAKS!

this chapter was so hard to write it shouldn't have been that hard to write wtf