FALSE GOD, loki laufeyson

━━ chapter four

FOUR:

teach me how to fall in love

Please, picture me in the weeds
Before I learned civility
I used to scream ferociously
Any time I wanted

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LOKI HADN'T SPOKE TO CAS SINCE their argument which was fine by Cas because she didn't wish to speak with him anyway. she hadn't seen him since then either, not even in a hallway. She wondered, and though she didn't want to she did. She couldn't help her mind from wandering as she walked down the hallway, shoes clicking on the tile with each step.

"Good morning Cas," Frigga said, smiling at Cas who sighs as she makes contact with the seat.

"Good morning my queen," Cas replied with a soft smile, playing with the frills that rested on her skirt, the dress covered in azure lace that fell past her ankles.

"are you ready to begin?" Frigga asked, earning an honest shake of her head from Cas.

"Frigga," She said, admitting it to herself as well. "I want to be in love."

"Darling," Frigga chuckled, patting Cas's hand in a motherly sort of way, her yellow robes bringing some comfort to Cas. "It can't be taught. you have to fall in love. An arranged marriage isn't exactly the best way to do so."

"I've never been in love before," Cas admitted as she looked down. "I just wish that I could fall in love."

"I think you have been in love," Frigga said, but she didn't explain it any further. The topic was changed, back to their lesson, The thing that Cas had come down to Frigga's chambers for.

By the end of the lesson, Cas was surrounded by books, holding one up with her magic, already getting too drained.

Her magic was not strong whatsoever here, there was a magic that hung in the air that knocked the wind out of her every time she tried to use her magic. It was exhausting. What was she going to do when she was married? She wouldn't make a good housewife, she knew that far, she wasn't someone who could be tied down by a ring. Sure, she was the one who got into this mess, but she knew that she wouldn't know how to be a good wife.

Her body wasn't good for creating life either. She was barely sustaining her own, and here she was, getting married to a man who expected children. Where she was from was the opposite of life, and Cas knew in her would that it wouldn't be good for her if she did decide to have a baby. It wouldn't be good for the baby either.

She knew deep down that this wasn't the right choice. But on the surface, it was, because she needed something to tie her here. Something that wasn't a lie. Something that she could sustain. Deep down she knew that she probably wouldn't be able to sustain that. She couldn't even sustain her and Loki's friendship.

Cas let the book fall, landing on the stack of other books she made. leaning back with a sigh.

"Maybe you should try going home," Frigga suggested, seemingly concerned about Cas. "Recharge for a few days."

"Asgard is my home," Cas murmured. "I'm not going back there."

"Asgard is also slowly killing you," Frigga stated, and Cas knew she was right.

There was a list, three people now that both scared and amazed Cas. The Ancient one, her aunt, and Frigga. all of whom were powerful women who she looked up to and loved, who were more supportive than her own mother.

Frigga believed in her. Frigga saw the god in the darkness inside of Cas. She told Cas that she could do it, and taught Cas how to believe in herself. It was starting to work, but Cas still held insecurities that weighed down on her.

The ancient one tried to get Cas to unlearn all of the people who told her she didn't deserve love's hatred, to get her to branch out and try dating someone. She never did, but it was nice to know that someone didn't think of her as a monster.

Then there was her aunt, who taught her magic and was a safe place to get away from her parents. It was where Cas went to when she went back to her parent's place. She hated it there, but her aunt made it slightly better.

Loki and I got into a fight," Cas blurted after a few minutes of dragging silence that made Cas's head want to explode. She liked silence with anyone but Frigga, who she knew could be thinking anything. The woman seemed to Cas to be more mysterious than her son.

"I know," Frigga said, earning a look from Cas. "He told me dear."

"Oh."

"He won't admit it, but he misses you," Frigga said with a soft smile. "Both of you can get so stubborn." Giving Frigga the benefit of the doubt, she knew Loki and Cas better than Loki and Cas probably knew themselves. She knew Cas well, and she knew Loki even better. He was Frigga's son.

"Mother I-" Loki burst into the room, stopping his rush when he saw Cas. "Actually, I can talk to you later."

"you don't have to, I can go," Cas said, standing and collecting her things, thanking Frigga as she was out the door.

Was this how they were gonna be now? Fine. Cas assumed that as long as their friendship had been going, it ending this could have been a good thing.

But Cas couldn't let him go that quickly. He was her best friend. The only one who didn't care that her body was made to kill (granted, he didn't know but that wasn't the point). He didn't care about who she was.

Cas didn't want to lose Loki. He was the most important thing in her life.

She would be an idiot to mess it up.

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AUTHOR SPEAKS!

Cas and Loki fighting hurts me, and also their friendship was wholesome, I promise

Also! Cas complaining about her marriage isn't meant for y'all to attack her, saying it was her fault. It was her idea, yes, but Cas also assumes that she doesn't deserve love and that the only way someone would want to marry her was because it was arranged. She also believes that the only thing tying her to Asgard would be marriage, and she doesn't think that anyone would love her. So if you say "oh, she brought it on herself so she can't complain" you're wrong. Yes, she did have the idea, but there are so many reasons behind why.