Casual Sabotage

Chapter Fifteen

After laying together for a little while longer, we got ourselves dressed again and headed into the kitchen. I was busy getting things ready for dinner, feeling a pair of arms curl their way around my waist and pull me away from the counter. Turning to him, I came to find Brian smiling emotionally at me.

"This feels like old times." He sighed contently.

"It does." I agreed, nodding my head slowly. "Crazy how things can change."

"Do you ever...ever..." Brian stalled. "Do you ever think about what could have been between us, Sal?"

"How do you mean, Brian?" I puzzled.

"Imagine if we never broke up and were still together. What do you think we'd be up to now?"

This was a strange question to come from Brian, who was known as a closed-off individual and never cared about the what-ifs. I studied his eyes sincerely, breaking his embrace around me as I sighed heavily.

"We would have been married by now." I acknowledged. "You'd still be a pain in my ass though, that wouldn't have changed."

I laughed to lighten the mood a little. "What about you?"

"I could see us buying our first house together." Brian replied back in consideration. "I'd make sweet love to you on moving day to christen the bed."

"Trust you to go down the sexual route, Brian." I rolled my eyes at him.

"It's not my fault you get me so horny." Brian chuckled, shrugging his shoulders in innocence. His laughter soon faded as seriousness took over his expression. "I miss us."

"You have us." I returned, receiving a shake of the head from Brian.

"The real us." He emphasised. "Just us two, no one else ever had to be involved. It's all my fault."

"Well, no...I had something to do it with it too." I admitted. "We weren't good for each other, Brian."

"Then why is there this connection that keeps us together, Sal?" He asked out in a desperate tone.

I looked at the glint of tears held in his eyes, sighing despondently. I settled a hand to his shoulder, caressing gently at his cheek. Brian leaned his head into the touch, soon turning to press a loving kiss to the palm of my hand as he moved his hand to clasp at my wrist.

"I don't know how our worlds keep colliding." I explained softly, biting back my emotions. "I wish I could tell you the answer to that, Brian. Really, I do."

I brushed a fallen strand of hair out of his eyes. "But this ongoing connection between us is more lust than anything else. Not love."

"What's the difference?" He sniffled.

"I'll tell you." I replied. "Brian, would you rather have me bent over the table or be sat at the table eating dinner with you?"

"Bent over." He shrugged.

"See." I pointed out. "That's lust. You want to use me for sex. You'd rather not have the gross love that comes with dating and relationships."

"That's not true." Brian protested, looking at me with saddened eyes.

"It is." I insisted. "Brian, whether you like it or not, you cannot control your urges."

"You were the one who invited me over." He reminded. Damn, he wasn't so ignorant as I once thought.

"That's different." I tried to excuse. "I invited you over for company."

"While your boyfriend is on vacation?" He cocked a brow. "I'm not stupid, Sal."

"I never said that you were, Brian."

"You thought it though," He pressed. "What I told you that time on the phone...I meant it."

"You weren't drunk?" I wondered.

"A little." Brian shrugged. "But I still know that I love you."

He dropped his head ashamedly. "I know that I don't deserve any more chances, but seeing you with him...it makes my blood boil."

"I...I'm not yours to own, Brian." I was trying my best to remain calm and not let this lead to confrontation between us. At the end of the day, we needed each other more than we cared to admit.

"I know." He sighed. "I wasted my chances with you."

Brian took my hands in his and let his thumbs brush along my knuckles before bringing them up to his mouth and kissing gently at my fingers. He slowly raised his head and gazed at the details of my body, soon having his eyes fall onto mine. The man appeared dishevelled and lost. "I would do anything to have you again, Sal. I don't just want the sex. I want the mornings together, the good times and the bad. I want to take care of you when you're sick, I want to love you in every way. I want to ride that rollercoaster of life with you and only you. I don't care what it takes but I am going to get that. Even if it kills me."

My lower lip trembled, his words residing deeply in my heart. Here he was pouring his whole heart out to me, making things all the more difficult for me. I had a decision to make; the pressure to make the right choice was building with every second that passed by.

"Oh, Brian..." I whimpered, choking back the tears.

"Please, Sal?" He wept. "Please give me another chance."

"I have an idea." I countered. "How about we see how these two weeks go? You can test whether this whole love thing really is for you."

"But what about Caleb?" Brian questioned. "What if he finds out?"

"He won't." I reassured. "I promise not to tell him if you don't either."

I held Brian's hands securely. "Brian, I hope you understand why I can't risk it all and lose Caleb after everything that has happened between us."

"No, I get it." He accepted. "I just wish I'd been smart enough to not let it come to all of this the first time."

"Life is full of regrets." I smiled sincerely, deciding to lift the dark cloud that had found its way over us both. "Like this whole time, I regret not bending you over this counter and fucking you senseless."

I got a laugh out of the man as Brian wiped at his eyes to rid himself of his cries. "Which is still an open offer, by the way."

"You and I both know, Sal, that you are such a bottom." Brian snickered. "You'll never be a top."

"I can be a top." I defended whimsically.

"Not when I'm around you can't." Brian smirked.

"Whatever." I laughed. "The offer is still there."

"Maybe another time." Brian declined surprisingly. "Right now, all I want to do is cuddle you and watch movies."

"Maybe there is hope for us after all." I smiled at him, squeezing his hand comfortingly and guiding Brian through to the living room.

After dinner had been eaten and we had made it through our favourite Star Wars movies: Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, Brian and I found ourselves cuddled up on the sofa with a blanket wrapped around us. Brian's arm was settled under my neck while the other looped around my waist; his fingers gently caressed at the sliver of skin on show from my creased shirt lifting up slightly. His face was nuzzled into the curve of my neck and I could feel Brian press the occasional kiss to my skin.

"I could stay here forever," Brian uttered lowly, the warmth of his breath beating against my neck.

Peering down, I came to find him almost asleep, just embracing this rare sweet moment between us. His eyes were closed and Brian looked adorable under the light of the TV screen. I kissed at the bridge of his nose, causing his face to scrunch up momentarily. Brian pulled us tighter together, smiling sleepily.

Something about this action made me have a change of heart. Was Brian really up to this whole love thing, or was this just his lust playing mind games? I had to see how long he was willing to keep this charade up.