Casual Sabotage

Chapter Twenty-Three

Stood outside of the place I knew I should be avoiding like the plague right now so as not to raise suspicions, I knocked at the door; instant regret burned a hole in my chest. I could practically hear my heart thumping out of my chest, before the sound of the lock unlatching came from the other side of the entryway. I held a bated breath as Brian pulled open the front door.

"Back for some more sex, are we?" He teased, unknowing of the circumstances. Brian's eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement when he noticed the tear stains that ran down my face and the puffiness of my well-cried eyes. "What's wrong?"

"He knows." I choked out. "He knows about us and the affair. Caleb knows everything."

"Woah, woah, woah," Brian startled. "How? Why? When?"

I could feel the tears begin to fill my eyes. "Why don't you come inside?"

Accepting his offer, I followed Brian into his apartment as he closed the door behind me. He placed a gentle hand to the small of my back and guided me to the living area, easing me down onto the sofa. Taking a seat beside me, I felt Brian's hand settle at my knee. Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see him study me with concern written across his face.

"Sal, tell me what happened?" Brian coaxed softly. "You can tell me."

"Well," I sniffled. "I'd just collected Caleb from the airport, we went straight back to the apartment. It kind of escalated from there and we ended up having sex; I guess that we had just missed each other that much."

I wiped at my tears with the cuff of my shirt sleeve. "Next thing I know, we were laying together in bed, cuddling. Caleb started things off and went down on me and I...I..."

My cries overwhelmed me as I tried to retell the story. I was so caught up in the fast-pace emotions that my words were coming out completely jumbled and incoherent. I heard a gentle shush come from the man beside me as he pulled me into his arms.

"Hey," Brian shushed me. "It's okay. Everything's going to be okay, Sal."

I shook my head against his chest, feeling as though I had every right to be in this mess. If I had a little self-control and didn't go out of my way to casually sabotage everything good that ever happened for me, maybe I wouldn't be in this predicament.

"What happened next?" Brian asked, unaware that the next part of the story was the mighty downfall.

"He went down on me," I stuttered. "And...I ended up moaning a name. Your name."

"Ah, I see." He winced. "That's not the ideal thing to do during sex, Sal...unless it's with me of course."

"You don't think I know that, Brian?" I groaned. "I'm a fucking idiot. I deserve to be hurt."

"Well," Brian started. "No, you reacted in a way that probably wasn't for the best, but that doesn't mean that you deserve to feel sadness."

He sighed despondently. "I don't know what I can say that will make you feel better, Sal."

"He's going to leave me." I worried. "I can't lose him, Brian."

"So, then we end things between us here and now." He suggested reluctantly.

"No!" I argued. "I can't lose you either."

"Sal, you know that you can't have the both of us." Brian acknowledged. "You tried and look what's happened."

He ran circles along my back to comfort me. "In a perfect world, sure. But this is real life."

I understood the point that Brian was making, but it still didn't settle well with me that I may lose Caleb entirely or I could lose Brian all over again. I'd gone without him for long enough. We had only just got back to what we once were; I wasn't ready to lose it all again. He meant too much to me.

"What do I do?" I asked through my tears.

"I...I don't know." Brian replied back hesitantly. "Frankly, I don't want to think about the answer to that question, Sal."

For the first time since I had arrived, I looked into his eyes. Within the dark chocolate colouring, I could see the pain that juxtaposed the sincerity of his words. I knew that Brian didn't want to lose me either, but he was willing to sacrifice himself so that I could have my future with Caleb.

"Brian, please don't leave me." I whimpered, peering down to my hands. He placed a finger to my chin and raised my gaze to meet with his once more. A smile settled across his face.

"I'm not going anywhere, Sal." He replied. "I'll always be here for you if you need me."

In that moment, I studied Brian harder than I ever had before. Not just the details of his face, but the parts of him that made him the man that he was. His kind, forgiving nature yet being so protective over me. He was truly someone that I could never abandon in this life, no matter how hard I tried to deny it. Brian was meant to be here for me, whether in lust or just as friends. I needed him and he needed me; we kept each other sane, yet drove ourselves apart over disagreements. But what I do know: when Brian says he is there for someone, he truly meant each and every word of it.

We sat there for a while. Brian comforted me while I calmed down until the last tears had left my body. I may have felt like I had been smashed into a million pieces right then and there, but no matter the damage done, it was fixable.

"I should probably go home." I mentioned after an hour in Brian's company. "I want to sort this out with Caleb and if I'm not there when he gets back, he will lose his shit."

"You're probably right, Sal." Brian responded. He moved a hand to my face and gently brushed a fallen strand of hair behind my ear. "Remember what I said."

"I will." I smiled small. "Thank you."

"No need." Brian dismissed. "Good luck, I hope things work out for you two."

I stood from the sofa and headed for the front door, feeling his stare burning into me from behind. I couldn't bring myself to turn back; it would have been too painful. I left his apartment and closed the front door behind me, unaware that the second that the door shut, Brian's tears spilled from his eyes.

Once back at my own place, I had returned to the same empty apartment. The sense of tension still lingered in the air as I threw myself down onto the sofa, not knowing what to do with myself. The wait for Caleb's return was inevitable. How long was I going to be on my own for?