Oceans In My Mind

42,000 Feet

Time for take off.

At 10,000 feet your allowed to move about the cabin.
But be sure you do when the seatbelt sign is off.
Be sure you stay seated and buckled at all times in between in case we expect any sudden turbulence.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

At 10,000 feet I knew I made a mistake.
As soon as the seatbelt sign turned off I ran away.
I wanted to jump off that plane so fast.
I wanted to tell the pilot to turn around and take me back.

At 10,000 feet I wanted to take everything back.
I wanted to make the turbulence stop.
I wanted the plane to nose dive and explode so I wouldn't have to feel anymore.
I wanted this high sky roller coaster ride to end.

At 20,000 feet I realized I was stuck here.
It was only minutes that passed but it felt like hours.
I wanted nothing more then to scream at you for putting me here.
I couldn't get comfortable in this stiff seat next to strangers.
My body always on edge.

At 20,000 feet the man next to me finally asked where I was heading to.
I told him and he was nice it almost reminded me of you.
But I knew you weren't looking for me.
I knew you where just waiting for my phone to get off airplane mode so you could ask where I am.

At 20,000 feet I was searching for a signal like an idiot.
Thinking you could hear me from up here where the power lines don't reach.
The clouds looked like my favorite candy and my ancestors worst nightmare.
It rained the whole trip after.

At 30,000 feet I remembered why I got on this death trap.
To get away from you for a while.
To breathe.

At 30,000 feet I could see the stars.
I could see the sun.
I could see everything.
Suddenly the turbulence didn't scare me anymore.

At 30,000 feet I had finally accepted that we where over.
That a new life was waiting for me.
That I could fly for the first time in 5 years.

At 40,000 feet I started thinking about what to do without you.
How to live without calling to you everyday.
How to speak without saying your name in every conversation.
How to buckle up without you.

At 41,000 feet I could feel you staring at me from across the aisle.
I had finally felt free and there you where making me worry about the turbulence again.
I felt everything around me crumble as you asked to kiss me one last time.

At 42,000 feet I fell out the plane without a parachute.
I was ready to hit the earth at million miles a minute.
When you came and saved me once more.
You kissed me as we fell to our deaths and then,
Poof. The parachute deployed and we slowly went toward the ground.

At 30,000 feet I wanted to scream out why.
Why did you come for me.
Why did you ask me to come back.
Why are you here of all places.

At 20,000 feet I remembered every reason I loved you.
And every reason I hated you.
I felt everything at once hit me like a jet.

At 10,000 feet I braced myself for impact.
I made sure to tell you I was sick of this game.
That I no longer wanted to be a pawn.

At landing I walked away.
I thanked you for saving me again but I couldn't do it anymore.
You asked to be friends and being as nice as I am I agreed.
You haven't stop speaking to me since and it still hurts.