Oceans In My Mind

Ruins

I ruined my life.

Needless to say, I've ruined it on my own. I fought for family that was never there. I loved a thousand people who could never love me back. I broke down walls of security to find a unbearable happiness that didn't exist. Its getting harder for me to see the clarity in my ruins. Have I gone blind? Or is this some sick joke God has played me for? Was I a pawn in this game of life? I know I can do better, but I feel as though I don't deserve the second chances. How does religion work? Must I read a book dated so far back? Must I pray a forgiveness to my destructive behavior? No one asked me if I was okay all these years. Nod, smile, pretending to be happy, always pretending. A laughter unlike my own. I hear it change constantly. Am I faking a laugh or just changing character. Code switching. Greetings to the new member of society that has come forward to remind me I'm still not good enough. My body a ruined mess of stretch marks and scars. Beauty is pain. But beauty doesn't always mean beautiful. My art must disturb some of you when you scroll my Instagram. The world in a screen the size of your palm. But its all filtered lies and bullshit. Haven't you herd? Kyle Jenner lip challenge, now transformed to TikTok lip challenge. Put more glue on your face to make it perfect. Don't forget to like and share. Comment your favorite part and subscribe for more. Oh and remember, once its online its there forever. Facebook memories will remind you of a post you made when you where 12. 12. God I wish I was 12 again. The times where a bit simpler then. 6 years ago doesn't seem that long but looking back, neither does last year. And yet the world is still ruined by corporate brainwashing. Tell us we are equal but only in our own homes. Tell us sexual orientation does not matter as long as its between you and me and not your boss at work. Tell us equal pay is comming but continue raising the minimum wage and destroying our economy by raising the price of everything else. 2 bedroom appartment for the price of a 6 bedroom home. $1,500 hands down, deposit only an extra $1,000. Don't forget pets OK with extra $300 pet rent. And you only make $12 an hour. What a world we live in. America ruined by an asshole who claims to know us but sits on a gold toilet and wipes his ass with $100 dollar bills. Never known poverty and has the nerve to say hes, one of us, one of us, one of us. Us. U.S. United. States. United, as in TOGETHER, As in a whole, us. One of us. One of the broken ones. A few unfortunate souls, in pain, in need. I wonder where you got your philosophies. Books? Online? News? I continue to question our ruined society, so easily distracted by memes and not exercising their rights. Right to freedom. To bere arms, not guns. Literal arms. Clasped together in a string of harmonious action. Together. United. Fighting off our real rights. Our right to love who we want, say what we want, and do what is best for our communities. No one in Congress knows what is really needed, they live up there in a world of their own on heaping piles of our tax dollars. A government founded on equality but lead by unqualified people. One of us. Ruined by voices that where refused to be herd. Demanding a reelection to keep us at bay and yet continueing to vote for familarity and not consistentency. How is it we hold our breath to words we are free to speak in fear of losing everything. Fear should not hold you down in your own community where you can make a difference. Fear should guide you from the ruins to the tops of mountians where you can freely speak up your rights. I ruined my life thinking I could make a change in my own home when really I needed to change the communities around me to help my home. A home, brainwashed by a society that is filled with lies, false hopes of change, and worst of all, a narrow aspect on what is beautiful. Beauty isn't always beautiful. Hope isn't always hopeful. Your scars wheren't always there, and your voice wasn't always silent.

Society, ruined us.