Oceans In My Mind

Everything Happens For A Reason?

Really? Are you so naive to believe such cruelty has purpose? That the death of my 2 year old nephew was for a greater cause? The house catching fire held a deeper meaning? The demotion my mother got from her job had a bigger part in her success? My brother getting hit by a car twice was helping him in some way? My father getting wrongfully accused of a federal crime wasn't a set up for something more? My boyfriend of 7 years sleeping with his manager at work and giving up on our relationship months prior was all for his own benefit and I meant nothing to him? What God would put some much pain upon a family just to make them stronger? Are we not strong enough for enduring such horrible things over and over again? How many more lives must our happiness cost? How much more emotional turmoil must I suffer before I die of heartache for you to be content with its outcome? Must I take my own life to please you into leaving my family alone? What God would make the cost of living so horrible? What curse was put upon our legacy as a whole in order to hurt us like this? What more do you want from me? Was I not honorable in my last life? Did I not praise you enough in my youth? My aunt has found God multiple times in her life and all you've given her is relapse and regret,  am I to go down the same path as that whom I was named after? Or should I take the other name I was given a path and marry and have kids with an abuser? Was I not pretty enough to be happy? Was I just another mistake that should've been given up for adoption when my mother was asked? Have I not attoned for all the sins I've made? Am I the chaos that needs to be cut from this world in order for it to be a better place? Is everyone else's life safer without me?

What about my happiness?

Am I the reason everything is happening?