I'm not perfect *featuring Johnnie Guilbert & Bryan Stars*

We'll fall together

Meghan's POV:
My cousin just died.
He would take lauren & i to warped every year, since lauren was 6.
Lauren loved Kellin & Kellin loved her, he was like our older brother. Sure, he had moments where he would be an ass to us but don't we all?
I looked through our photo albums.
There's one where lauren was holding copeland.
Lauren was 13 or 14 when copeland was born, i was 17 or 18. She looked so happy, then i saw the picture when Kellin visited lauren in the hospital when she tried to kill herself, she tried 5 or 6 times. She failed every time.

There's a few pictures from warped tour, he introduced her to pierce the veil on june 26, 2013. She couldn't stop smiling.
In 2014, Kellin took her to meet johnnie, bryan & damon but she was to shy to talk to them. Luckily, she was on the whole tour with sws, i dont think johnnie or bryan remembers her, she changed a lot in one year. She had dip dyed the ends of her hair blonde & her eyes were a dark brown.
She dyed her hair back to brown this year & her eye color is now hazel.

I'm happy that she got so many opportunities because of the contest.
I just wish that kellin was still alive & can see how far lauren has come in life.
My baby sister is 16, usually 16 year olds don't get these chances.
I just hope she's okay right now.

I need to facetime her.
She didn't answer.
I checked her instagram, twitter & facebook.
"Mom!" I screamed.
"Yeah?" She said as she ran into my room.
"Read her facebook status." I said with tears streaming down my face.
It says: my cousin, kellin, just passed away. When i tried to kill myself in 2011, he was the one who helped me get better. Some of you know him as the lead singer for 'sleeping with sirens' i bet he saved your life. Well, he saved mine as well. I never told anyone that he was my cousin because i don't want to get walked on or used.
I can't stay strong anymore, I'm sorry. Don't miss me too much, I'll see you all in heaven soon. I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry I'm not smart or normal. I'm sorry for being myself. I'm sorry i fangirl way too much. I'm sorry i was the twin that survived.
Sincerely,
Lauren Danielle

"NO!" My mom cried out.
My dad came running to my room.
I showed him the status.
"I wish i was nicer to her, i never knew she would do this to herself." My dad said as tears went down his cheeks.

There were 20 comments.
Most of them were from our family & some were from her best friends, hanna, shannon, chloe, abby, kayla & erin. Erin isn't her friend but what she wrote made me cry.
She wrote:
dear lauren,
I know we aren't friends anymore bc of that argument we had but you helped me so much when i was suicidal, i just wish i was there for you & let you rant sometimes, i thought you were the happiest person alive, i guess i was wrong. I was selfish, I'm sorry. If you are still alive, pls text or call me. I miss having you in my life.

I saw one from Lauren's old crush, James.
He wrote:
Dear lauren,
I wish i wasn't mean to you everyday, i wish i was your friend.
I wish i had noticed you, i wish i didn't ignore you.
I wish i was there for you, i knew you were at the hospital most of 5th grade but i never knew why.
I wish i got to help you, i wish you were my friend.
I just feel like a complete asshole.
I know you're in california right now but if you're still alive pls text me.
I need to know if you're okay.
I need to hug you & say 'I'm always here for you'
I feel like this is all my fault.

There's one from shannon's dad.
He wrote:
Dear smiley,
Shannon, ellen, nick, brad & i are devastated.
You were like shannon, nick & brads big sister & you were like mine & ellen's daughter.
I never knew you were suicidal or that you self harmed.
Shannon can't stop crying, you were her first best friend & she misses you more & more every second that passes.
I don't know why people would be mean to the nicest girl ever.
We're trying to get in touch with your parents.
You are in our thoughts & prayers.
We miss you, smiley.

I messaged shannon's dad, stephen, on facebook, he replied in 2 seconds.
Me: you can come over in 45 minutes with shannon, nick, brad & ellen.
Stephen: okay
Me: how's shannon?
Stephen: she hasnt spoke in a few hours, just cried. She misses lauren a lot.
Me: i do too, i just wish she was home.
Stephen: where is she?
Me: in california, she won a contest. she's with her favorite youtubers.
Stephen: you should call them
Me: i didn't even think of that. Wait. I dont have their numbers.
Stephen: call lauren's phone, they might answer it.
Me: okay, ill see you soon.
Stephen: bye.
Me: bye.

I called lauren's phone.
Someone answered.
Me: hello?
Person: its johnnie, i cant find lauren anywhere. I'm getting worried.
Me: check her facebook & text me your number.
Johnnie: okay, ill talk to you in a few minutes.
Me: okay, bye.
Johnnie: bye.
---------------------------------------------
Johnnie's POV:
I heard Lauren's phone vibrating.
I answered.
It was Lauren's sister.
Meghan: hello?
Me: it's johnnie, i can't find Lauren anywhere. I'm getting worried.
Meghan: check her facebook & text me your number.
Me: okay, I'll talk to you in a few minutes.
Meghan: okay, bye.
Me: bye.

I logged on & immediately typed Lauren's full name in.
I read the status.
It says: my cousin, kellin, just passed away. When i tried to kill myself in 2011, he was the one who helped me get better. Some of you know him as the lead singer for 'sleeping with sirens' i bet he saved your life. Well, he saved mine as well. I never told anyone that he was my cousin because i don't want to get walked on or used.
I can't stay strong anymore, I'm sorry. Don't miss me too much, I'll see you all in heaven soon. I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry I'm not smart or normal. I'm sorry for being myself. I'm sorry i fangirl way too much. I'm sorry i was the twin that survived.
Sincerely,
Lauren Danielle

I never knew Lauren was a twin.
"BRYAN!" I yelled.
Bryan ran to my room.
"A-are y-you o-okay?" Bryan asked out of breath.
"No! Read the status." I said as tears escaped my crystal blue eyes.
"We need to find her. NOW." Bryan said pacing back & forth.

We left my room, opened every door. One door was locked.
Bryan grabbed the key & struggled to unlock it due to how much he was shaking.
He finally unlocked it. Lauren was on the floor, passed out. I saw about 10 cuts on her wrist. I looked at the floor, i saw an empty bottle of pills.
"Bryan, we need to bring her to the hospital." I said with tears streaming down my cheeks.