I'm not perfect *featuring Johnnie Guilbert & Bryan Stars*

I'd rather die than be famous

(A/N I am not making fun of suicide//self harm//depression nor am I romanticizing it. I do not find this chapter triggering as I am over a year clean but some might, so please read at your own risk.)
Lauren's POV:
I took a shower for about 45 minutes, just thinking about suicide.
I finally washed my hair, back, stomach, arms & legs.
I got out of the shower & put the towel around my body.
I walked to my bedroom & decided to write my suicide note on facebook.
I wrote: my cousin, kellin, just passed away. When i tried to kill myself in 2011, he was the one who helped me get better. Some of you know him as the lead singer for 'sleeping with sirens' i bet he saved your life. Well, he saved mine as well. I never told anyone that he was my cousin because i don't want to get walked on or used.
I can't stay strong anymore, I'm sorry. Don't miss me too much, I'll see you all in heaven soon. I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry I'm not smart or normal. I'm sorry for being myself. I'm sorry i fangirl way too much. I'm sorry i was the twin that survived.
Sincerely,
Lauren Danielle

I walked back to the bathroom with a razor & a bottle of pills.
Johnnie & Bryan were downstairs.
I need to do this. I can't fail this time.

I grabbed the razor, made 5 cuts on each wrist.
I tried not to scream.
I made 10 cuts on each thigh.
I popped the lid open & swallowed all of the pills.
I passed out.
Am i still alive?