STAR WARS IMAGINES

kylo ren | almost killed your light

i guess i'm sorta still in love with kylo ren; 2.1k

/ / /

Ben knew you better than anyone. You couldn't remember a time when he wasn't by your side. He lived next door and quickly became your best friend. Your first best friend. Your first boyfriend. Your first kiss. His mother called the two of you soulmates, and while you and Ben pretended to be disgusted by that title, it was true and you both knew it.

You stuck by him until he went away to train with his uncle. He had a destiny greater than you, so you supported his leaving despite how it broke your heart. The first night without him was something you were sure you would never survive.

But you were naive. You did not know true heartbreak.

Heartbreak was waking up to the sound of your parents whispering in the hall. Heartbreak was stumbling out of your bedroom, rubbing sleep out of your eyes, and seeing the pained expressions on their faces. Ben Solo had turned against his uncle and was pursuing a life under the teachings of a new dark master. He had slaughtered Luke's students that refused to join him, and the aftershocks of his betrayal were shaking the galaxy. Leia Organa had birthed a new Darth Vader, and now the galaxy would pay the price for it once again.

The years passed, and your life moved on without Ben. You joined the Resistance as a way to prove to everyone that you weren't so dedicated to your soulmate that you would follow him anywhere.

It was comforting to remain close to General Organa. She was gentle with you, clinging to you to hold onto the memories of her son, despite how it made her ache to see the empty place by your side. The place where he should be.

The older you got, the longer you spent away from Ben, the harder you fought to run away from the memory of him. He was in everything you saw and everything you did. Talking to your friends made your heart ache. Attempting to pursue relationships left heavy guilt in the pit of your stomach. Looking at General Organa's brown eyes made yours well up with tears. There was nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. He was everywhere and nowhere all at once.

When a young scavenger girl joined the Resistance, you were reminded once again of Ben. The way she held herself reminded you of the young Jedi you'd fallen in love with long ago. She was ten years younger than you and looked up to you with great admiration for reasons you couldn't determine. She followed you everywhere you went, and you knew why.

After the battle of Crait, she had this ridiculous belief that the new Supreme Leader of the First Order could be saved.

"You know Kylo Ren better than anyone. Surely you can think of something that will bring him back to the light. I can feel it. He is so close to falling back, to returning to Ben Solo. All he needs is something to pull him back."

You sighed. Despite all of the trauma Rey had experienced, she was innocent and foolish. Your heart hurt for her because there was a time that you believed as she did.

"Ben is dead," you whispered. "That's something I've known for a long time. He killed him for good when he killed Han Solo."

"You can't believe that," she said. "Surely you feel it too. Every day is agony for him. He wants so badly to turn, and I believe that he can if he faces the right person."

You looked at her. "Oh, you believe that if he sees me, he'll drop everything and come back? What Ben and I had... that was years ago. He left me for the dark side. He never tried to speak to me after he had turned, never even tried to get me to join him. I stopped existing to him when he betrayed his family."

"I know that he thinks of you," she whispered. "I know that he is ashamed of what you must think of him."

"Good. He should be." Your heart ached too badly to look at her anymore. With tear filled eyes, you looked away and crossed your arms over your chest, holding together your shattered heart. "He's a monster. Just think of all that he has done."