armitage hux | all the things you did [part 1]

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this is another rewrite! this was originally titled the act of rebellion and was split in 3 parts, but now it is one long imagine that will have a part two up soon :-) so enjoy part 1; 2.3k+ words

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You couldn't deny that there was something wrong with Hux. You could blame the overthinking and the self-doubt you struggled with, but you also knew him pretty well. He wasn't the same as he used to be. The reserved man you claimed to be the love of your life, who never showed anybody else the smile he saved specifically for you, who took his job incredibly seriously and lived for the First Order, somehow simultaneously living for you with the same dedication... suddenly didn't seem quite as focused on you anymore. 

The nagging voice that constantly rotted your brain told you that he was cheating on you. But no, you'd remind yourself, no, he was extremely dedicated to you. The relationship that you had with him went beyond a fling. It was real, it was passionate, and it was unheard of within the First Order. You knew him as he climbed rank in the First Order. You got to know him well and called him your friend, until one day, it was something more. He loved you. 

When you were finally able to shut out that voice, another one started to speak just as loudly. Maybe he was just leaving you. The way you loved him wasn't enough. Everything was suddenly highlighted, every ill thought you had against yourself. Microscopic things to pick at and compare with every woman you knew. But he loved you.

A new voice.  A voice that told you that they were finally suspicious of the true relationship between you and the General. The thoughts in your head suddenly made you sick to your stomach. Oh, they found out. They knew. And of course it would be him that would face the most extreme punishments. He's your General. He's supposed to lead you professionally and not take in any form of personal relationship that could possibly ruin his dedication to the Order. And there was a possibility, although the voice rotting your brain away told you that you were fooling yourself, there was a possibility that just maybe he would throw it all away for you, if only you asked. 

Your brain decided for you that the third voice was right. He was definitely in trouble, and it was all because of you, and now something terrible was going to happen. He would lose his job. He would lose his life. He would lose everything he had. And you would lose him. 

In the silence of the corridor, you clutched the documents against your chest with damp palms. Sickness rocked your stomach, making you feel as if you were traveling through hyperspace for hours and hours on end. The corridor was silent, and you couldn't make out any of the murmurs you head on the other side of the door, which was unfortunate, because you were desperate to know what was happening in the meeting you weren't allowed to attend. 

The doors opened, and your curiosity made your eyes flicker upwards. As soon as they met the pair of forest-green eyes that you loved so much, you looked away. At least he was alive. If he was alive, you could breathe for a few moments longer. 

You straightened your shoulders and turned slightly to the side, stepping out of the way of the men and women leaving the conference. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren walked by you, and you swore you saw his step waver as he walked by you. But maybe you were imagining it. You hoped you were imagining it. 

"Officer ___," spoke a voice that sent a tremor of disgust down your body. Spinning slowly on the heels of your boots, you looked up at General Pryde. The strong, musty scent coming off his uniform hit your nose powerfully, and you resisted the urge to scowl at his cold eyes.

General Pryde was a man that did not respect you or Hux. He made it abundantly clear in everything that he did. He was extremely prideful and saw everyone as someone below him, even the Supreme Leader (although he did a good job at disguising that). 

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