STAR WARS IMAGINES

poe dameron | torn

really wishin i could kiss poe dameron right about now; 1.6k words

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It was well past midnight but neither you or Poe were ready to go back to your individual quarters. The two of you were sitting at a small table, sharing a bottle of something you didn't know the name of, whispering soft stories of old times. Times before you knew Poe. Times before you knew what it was like to be torn.

"Ma always tried to raise me in the stars," he said, glancing upward, as if he were glancing at Heaven to get a glimpse of her. "She wanted me to follow in her footsteps and be the best pilot known to the galaxy. 'Course, when she passed... my dad couldn't do it. He couldn't let me... you know. It was hard."

"Yeah," you said. You traced your fingers around the rim of your glass. "I know how you feel. When my parents died, Luke didn't let me do anything, either."

"What's it like?" he asked.

"What's what like?"

"To be raised by the most powerful Jedi in the entire universe." Poe's lips twitched into a smile. He propped his head up on the knuckles of his right hand, his elbow on the wood table. "I mean, the best Jedi known to everyone raised you. That's gotta be special."

"Well, depends on who you ask, who the best Jedi really was," you said, desperately trying to avoid the questions. To avoid the memories.

"Fine. At this table, Luke Skywalker is the best Jedi. So spill it. How cool was it?"

You inhaled and exhaled deeply, pushing your glass away from you. Speaking about your adoptive father wasn't something you were comfortable with. The trauma of losing your parents, of being taken in by your Jedi Master, and of promptly losing him when he sent you away three days shy of your eighteenth birthday was real. He had sensed your closeness with his nephew. You had related to Ben on a level no one could understand. He was your friend. The week after you were sent away, he turned to Kylo Ren. You heard he slaughtered all but a small handful of Luke's students. Part of you didn't want to believe that the rumor was true, but as Kylo Ren rose to power in the First Order, you knew it to be. You hadn't heard a word from Luke since he sent you away.

The pain was real in your chest as you forced the words out. "He was a really good teacher and he was my friend. I know he cared about me and... and I wish he would reach back out to me. It would be nice to know that he's alive. That..." You shook your head. "I don't know."

"Leia believes we can find him," Poe said reassuringly.

"But sometimes," you whispered, "sometimes I am not sure I want to see him again after he left me. He made me an orphan again."

Poe's hand moved to rest over yours, over the one that was tracing the rim of the glass again and again. You let your fingers still and your palm lay flat. Looking at him, you were once again overwhelmed by your feelings for him. Overwhelmed was a word you could use to describe yourself often when you were with him. He often dazzled you with his smooth words and honey-like voice.

Miraculously, he cared for you deeply. Deeply enough to run in front of a blaster-shot for you. To sit with you in the cantina all night. To hold your hand in the dark when he walked you home. And to listen to you with an open mind when you described to him exactly how it felt to be torn between the light and the dark.

You let him hold your hand quietly before you asked to go back to your room. He walked you there, pausing by your door to cup your face in his hands. His lips brushed the top of your head before he left you for the night.

If Luke was found, what would you say to him? Half of you wanted to see him. The other half never wanted to look at him again. Did he still count you as his daughter? You wished you had answers, but you didn't. All you had was this heaviness in your heart that couldn't be shaken.