Breathe Again

Moving On

It's been three months since Derek attempted suicide. We've stayed in Georgia to help him get back on his feet. It's now summer break for all the kids. Bailey gets in tonight after she finishes up her latest project.

He stayed in a rehab center for 60 days. The kids have been staying with him. I think they are scared to leave him alone. I completely understand. I'm also very glad that Chris' house never sold, so we're staying there.

The kids are all at the lake with all the other kids. I'm feeding Harper in the kitchen when I hear Chris finally make his way down stairs. "Morning ladies." He says kissing Harper's fat cheeks. he walks past me. "Can you believe she's gonna be a year in a few weeks?" I ask him. "Yeah, it's crazy. We still gonna be here?" He asks taking a sip of coffee. "Um, yeah probably. Is that ok?" I'm not sure how he is feeling lately. He sets the coffee cup down, "Yeah. Can Liv or Laura watch Harps for a little bit, I wanna talk to you." He says and I nod turning to Harper who now has eggs all over her face.

Liv came to get Harper and now I'm sitting in the living room waiting for Chris. He comes down with his bags and sets them by the door. I get nervous and begin chewing my lip. I try not to think the worst because I know he does have to still work. "I'm going back to Boston." He states walking over to me. "Ok. we'll all go back. I'll start packing." I notice he's shaking his head. "No, just me."

I sit back and give him a very confused look. "I'm not mad ok. I've seen you with Derek over these past few months and Maggie. You're still in love with him and that's fine. I get it. He's your first everything and the father of your kids. But Maggie I have put up with so much of his shit. More than the average person would." He hangs his head. "Chris, this is ridiculous. I love you." I tell him. "I know you do, but I think you need to explore things with Derek before we continue on." I fight back the tears, "So what are you saying?"

He leans forward, "I'm saying figure out which one you want to be with forever. I've stopped the PDA around him, cooled it on doing cool things with the kids. I can't do it anymore. So I'm giving you space and time to figure it out." He stands up and begins walking towards the door. "Chris, please don't go. I love you. I want you. Chris, please." I feel so idiotic begging him to stay. "Maggie, I love you too. I have a few things I have to do back home. I've pushed them off long enough. I'm leaving this up to you. I'll be back in three weeks." He kisses my forehead and opens the door. "You're gonna miss your daughters first birthday!" I say quietly to him. "I'll be here Maggie, I won't miss that. I love you." He says and heads out the door with his bags.

What the fuck have I done to make him think all this? I hear my phone and see it's Derek. I silence the phone. Instead I go upstairs and curl up in our bed and tuck his pillow into me. I hear the car door slam and I choose to ignore it.

Seconds later I hear Liv calling for me from down stairs. I don't have the strength to call out to her. She comes through my bedroom door in a short time. "Maggie, what are you doing? What happened? Where's Chris?" She asks coming to sit on the bed. I sit up, still clutching his pillow, "He left. He said I need to figure out if I wanna be with him or Derek." I explain.

She quickly turns her head and shakes it. "What?" I ask. "Maggie, you've basically ignored Chris since Derek has been out. Look I'm your best friend and his. But he fucked up too many times. You and Chris need each-other. " Liv blurts out. "I have not ignored Chris. I know Derek has ran out of chances with me. But Olivia I will always love him and I can't change that no matter how hard I try or who I marry." I look around and cry some more. I have been ignoring Chris. Olivia walks in and sits with me, "Maggie, it's ok to love him. But you need to figure things out like Chris said. I know you hate it when I agree with him but this time I think you should do just that. I'll take Harper for the night, you just think."  She hugs me then heads out and grabs more of harpers things.