the accident

7:56 pm (I)

this chapter needed to be divided into four parts! woah...

1/4

______________

"Ms. Marino?" A nurse says standing right in front of me. She's a tall thin lady with a blonde bob haircut.

"Yes," I ask. I'm waiting to know if Miles dead or not. What if he is? I wouldn't see a point of being on this earth anymore. All I want is him, and to tell him that I forgive him.

"I'm nurse Makenzie," she says in a friendly manner. "I just had a few questions on behalf of Mr. Ericsson."

"How's Miles?" I ask instead of being kind back.

"I just had a few questions on his behalf," she says staring at a few documents.

"Okay," I say. I'm so angry that she's not telling me anything on his behalf!

"Did Mr. Ericsson have any—suicidal thoughts?"

"Yes," I say truthfully. "but he told me he wasn't anymore, like in May, last May."

"And did you guys fight before he left?"

"Yeah," I say remember our fight. It was such a meaningless and pointless fight. Now I'm realizing how dumb it truly was.

"What was it about?" She asks.

I tell her, and I try limiting all the little details. I don't want her to know about Miles' past, because that's his business and not mine to share. Nurse Makenzie is a good listener though, she seems to be genuinely interested and intrigued.

"So...we don't want to keep you in the dust, Ms. Marino, and..."

"Emma. Please just call me Emma." I reply.

"Emma," she looks at me with pain in her eyes. "we believe that Miles might have tried to commit suicide."

I look at her for a very long time. What she says did make sense. It's plausible that he feed up with what happened between us, and it's not like he's never thought about suicide. I can't believe I never thought about it beforehand. It makes perfect sense.

"It seems plausible," I say while looking down.

She touches my shoulder. "He's unfortunately still in a coma, and..."

"What even happened? Nobody told me."

"He was behind the wheel, and he hit a tree. When the paramedics arrived, he was barely breathing, but now he's connected to a breathalyzer and he's stable for now."

I broke down and the tears left my eyes again. "He didn't hurt anyone, did he? He wouldn't be able to live with himself." If he can even live, period.

"No, he only hurt himself, which is more proof that it was a suicide attempt."

"Oh," is the only sound that can come out of my mouth. I feel so helplessly lost. If he dies...it's all my fault, and he'll never know that I forgive him for what he said and that I love him.

The nurse ends up leaving after a few moments of silence...and I start to cry again.

△ △ △

I had no idea why I was so nervous. It was my third time seeing Miles. We talked a few times on the phone, and I've come to genuinely enjoy speaking to him. He was so interesting. But for some reason, today I was nervous to see him. I guessed it was just the fact that we're going to a dinner party, and his reputation was on the line. But it could also be the fact that he found it boring, this might have meant that he doesn't have friends at work, and that would be bad because that might mean that nobody liked him or that nobody acknowledged him. Which is poignant, because who would he speak to or hang-out with at work? And plus, he told me he worked full-time. So seeing the same people who hate you forty-hours a week must be dreadful.