the accident

10:01 am (I)

this chapter is very important to me! I love it so much because miles deserves this more than you know! any guesses?

1/4

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TRIGGER WARNING CHAPTER!!

"Aren't you going to reply to me?" Miles's cruel dad asks me.

"No," I say. I'm still staring into space. I did not have the guts to look at his face.

"Why?" He asks while his fists clench.

**trigger warning (suicide, depression, and abuse)

"I wonder why," I say factitiously. "You abused your wife and your son, and you're partly responsible for Miles being in the hospital," I whisper.

Halter flinches. "Don't mention her." He demands briskly. "I reckon that it's none of your damn business. And Miles did this to himself. I should have told my cowardly son never take the languid way out,"

I glare at him for the first time. He looks just like Miles. But old. Raggedy. His wrinkles compromise the majority of his face, but everything else is freakily identical. While the tears were formulating in my eyes, I say, "You're one unimaginable bastard. Don't you dare say he took the cowardly way out! He's depressed by all the pain that you caused him. He couldn't see the light anymore because you created so much darkness around him!" I burst out. I stand up. I need to get away from this man.

He stands up swiftly and grabs my arm. This is bringing me back flashbacks. "I didn't create darkness around him! He created it himself! I cannot believe he left you, and you're still defending him!"

"He didn't leave me!" I murmur, I start to cry again.

"He killed himself. He left you in this world...he left. He was a coward for letting you live with the guilt afterward!" His words make me flinch, and the fact that he was using past tense almost made it feel even more real. Even more depressing.

"He wouldn't have been suicidal if you didn't..."

"He deserved to be beaten up!" He yells interrupting me. People are starting to stare at us.

"Don't touch me!" I scream. I'm mortified, I'm screaming at some guy I barely know. He doesn't let go. I try jerking my arm away, but he's strong.

"You know my son and I had a relationship."

"Bullshit," I say. "You never cared for him! All you ever did was beat him!"

"Watch your mouth!" He says while jerking my arm as if he's trying to shake reality into me. "I beat him up for a reason!" He continues.

**end of trigger warning

"Sir, you need to vacate the hospital premise immediately!" One of the security guards says. I didn't even realize that he was there.

"Why not her?" Halter demands coming close to the security guard.

"You're the one who's yelling. Leave the premise immediately!"

Halter Ericsson smirked at me and then vacated the hospital as told.

I sit back down in my chair, so desperate to see Miles. I feel every ounce of me crave his touch and his presence. My head hurt from all the energy I've consumed by crying. I feel so empty. I am completely and utterly numb. Vulnerable even to a certain extent.

I start to think about how young Miles is, and how he could potentially die at such a young age. Then it made me start to think about the birthday when we celebrated just the two of us. Because I knew as a kid, he never has had a good birthday. He never got the chance to celebrate the fact that he aged by a year. When we were together, I made him the best birthday of his life. I redid all the birthdays he missed as a kid. And that was one of the best ideas I've ever had, and one of the best presents I could have given him. That was such a high in our relationship, and it still gives me goosebumps to this day.

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"What the fu..." Miles said while laughing hysterically.

"Don't swear, Miles. It's your fifth birthday," I said in a singsong voice. I tried sounding clown-like. I had no idea if it worked or not.

I put an alarm clock for six-thirty AM. I wanted Miles to have the best birthday ever. I decided to recreate all the birthdays he missed as a kid. He missed his fifth, eighth and tenth, I remembered he told me on my birthday. I went to a bakery the other day and bought cupcakes with a five, eight, ten, and twenty-two. I was doing twenty-two, because he turned twenty-two today, and I wanted to do something special for that too.

For his fifth birthday, I decided to dress up as a clown, because I felt as if when you're five you liked clowns. I honestly wasn't even sure. I remembered I did this for my fifth birthday, and I really enjoyed it, so I figured that a—twenty-two-year-old man would enjoy it too.

I put white face paint and using red face paint, I put it all around my mouth. Then I bought this clown costume, which was way too big. I stuffed the costume with pillows to make myself bigger. Then I put on this rainbow afro wig. By the end of the whole process, I was tired and sweaty.

Now I woke him up, and he was sitting in front of me laughing. I had no plans for when I was a clown. I just figured I would give him a cupcake, I'd entertain him a clown for a bit, and then it would be over.

"My fifth birthday?" Miles repeated looking at me strangely. I nodded.

"You missed your fifth birthday, so I'm recreating what was supposed to happen on your fifth birthday!" I said smiling. "Now come out of bed." I grabbed into his hands, and I had no idea where to go. The one thing I had: was balloons to make animals, and I sure as hell didn't want to go in public, and I still wanted to keep up the act for another hour.

So instead I gave him the cupcake with the big five on it. He smiled like the five-year-old he was and offered me a bite.

I stayed in character while I said, "I'm a complete stranger to you, and you want to share a cupcake with me?" I asked putting my hands on my hips. Then I muttered, "this would be a lot easier if I could look down at you," he laughed.

"Emma," he said holding me closer to him. "thanks for this,"

"Who's Emma?" I asked.

"Shut up," he murmured while laughing.

"Don't thank this Emma girl yet, you have a lot more in stock," I said. "Now, go sit on the couch,"

He obeyed, and I walked over with a trunk full of balloons with an air blower thing. "What's your favourite animal?" I asked. Getting everything prepared.

"Giraffe," he said knowing that I would fail. I smirked at him. He started munching on the cupcake, and I got the orangey colour from the trunk. I tried my best...Miles was laughing so hard. It just wasn't working properly.

"It looks like..." his face was all red from laughing.

"You're five years old. You're not supposed to know this kind of language," I said laughing hard too. "I give up," I sighed. "Here take your di—giraffe," I said. "Now get dressed," I ordered.

He stood up, and I walked behind him. When we got into our room, I went to the bathroom.

I made sure that all my outfits were organized, and prepared for when I needed to change. Right now, I put on this grey pantsuit and tied my hair up in a low bun. I washed my face, then I put on these fake glasses, and walked out. Miles looked at me for the longest time.