I ended up going for someone else, and I now believe it was just me masking my pain to try to get over
I really did use to enjoy this quote, but once I realized I put myself through so much with him, and after it all, I still love him.
Now, I really hate this quote with some strong emotions behind it every time i see it online.
I hate the saying "if you have to choose between me and them, choose them. Because if you really loved me, there wouldn't be any other choice."
Because now after I got out of the relationship, with who I think of when I read that, I was over how things were going. I 'left' him and 'moved' on within a month.
In this 'new' relationship, I would always think of him, and for awhile, it was easy to not think of him, because he ended up blocking me, and then unblocked me, and then 'I' blocked him, when reaching out I asked why did he block me again because we were talking again and I thought everything was going great. I was informed that I was the one that blocked him not the other way around. When I went to go unblock him I was upset because the relationship I was in, he blocked him.
Within the first few months of my new relationship, I would call the one I couldn't get off my mind, and I remember the breakdowns I had when I moved away, and now much I didn't enjoy being there.
I hate the saying because I truly believe I didn't just 'go after' someone else, because I still fucking love the guy I had, and he probably will never believe me say those three words, which he has a right to, it has been years since we dated now. But when I say I've never been that happy mentally / spiritual I mean it.
I hate that there's a chance we might not even attempt a go at a relationship again, I hate that there's a chance you really are going to stay cold hearted at me, I hate that you rarely want to hang out with me,
And all of this is my fault because I didn't want to try giving us another try,
I hate myself
I hate that I let myself move
I hate that I let myself stay in a relationship that wasn't best for my mental state.
I hate myself for staying in that relationship, even after the reg flags were given
I hate myself for everything I have done to you.
I hate that Im emotional
I hate that I can't control my excitement when you text me, I legit get so happy, like were a thing again, and I know its probably never going to happen again.
I hate myself.
