Survival [completed]

Awakening

When I finally truly am awake, my head hurts so bad, I wanted to go back to sleep. Mind is racing with everything that’s happened: Mackenzie finding me at the hotel, then everything that happened at home, Tristan finding me to the car ride to Jasper’s house where I felt like a knife had been stabbed into me and the taste of rough bitter blood in my mouth, then Elliot showing up and then finally the hospital where I felt my body get torn open and then sown back.

I swear, when I went under, I prayed they’d just let me be, it was all so painful, I didn’t even know where the emotional pain ended and the physical pain started. Then there was the fear of what Tristan, Jasper and now Elliot were going to. Did Elliot not want me anymore? Was I too much for him to handle? What about Jasper? God, he must think I’m a sore loser. Finally, Tristan, did he finally realize I wasn’t good for him and was actually too weak? He definitely deserved better.

The fact that I possibly might not have anyone around me when I opened my eyes scared me. I didn’t want to go back there. I never wanted to see him or my mother. They were mean, vial, and sadistic people. I hated them. This very loneliness forced a whole in my chest so huge, all my organs could have been sucked in by it.

“Hey, Star, you can’t keep your eyes shut forever you know. You need to open it at some point.” I hear the familiar voice from the operating theatre. His voice was clearer now since there probably wasn’t any mouth mask covering his mouth.

The masculine voice had spoken to me throughout the whole process. He had told me everything that was happening and whenever needed he’d try to crack a joke. Yes, this man who had been prodding inside me was cracking jokes to distract me from the pain. His stories and jokes were descriptive to say the least, so I could hardly remember when I was sleeping and when I was actually awake. I dreamt of hills and vast meadows, I dreamt of dancing and then living in a farm with Tristan. It was all so tiring and real. Even when I was falling into unconsciousness, I heard this man’s voice telling me to fight it cause there was better things to life then this and that I could live life the way I had wanted to live it. I could actually make the decisions and not care about hurting others. Well, that was when a female intervened and said that I had to care about others’ feelings but still focus on myself.

Hearing his voice makes me smile as I remember all this. I listen to him and slowly lift my eyelids.

“Hi there” Gavin, the owner of the voice greets me smiling. For a few seconds, I think it’s Elliot then notice the aged face and I can tell the difference. How had I not put two and two together? My eyes hurt and so does my head from the light but soon it all settles. The headache still going strong

I open my mouth to greet him but my throat walls scratch against each other, I scrunch my eyes at the irritation.

“Yeah, you can’t talk for a while.” Gavin tells me

Again, forgetting this I open my mouth to ask why but end up pulling my hand from the hold of another hand to grab my throat. I turn to look at the owner of the hand and see Tristan looking at me nervously. He looks so tired and ragged. His brown hair is in a mess, there were strands of hair sticking out in all directions and I could just imagine the pain and pulling they had suffered. I wanted to run my hands through his head and smooth out his hair. I move down to his face and see the area around his eyes are pink and his eyes are red. The blue in his pupils are dilated or really pale. He has been crying or trying to not cry.