Survival [completed]

The view

I bite my lips nervous over what Tristan might think of it. He probably is sick of waiting. Guys hate to wait right? I mean they have to be getting some kind of action somewhere. With their hormone and all. It terrified me think he’d get pissed at me. I didn’t want to upset him. I just wanted him to be happy, I was actually willing to do it for his sake but…. that didn’t mean I’d like it. Nonetheless who am I to complain? Tristan has sacrificed so much for me.  He did it just, earlier. He picked me over his team; he even picked me over Saturn. Saturn definitely is much better than me and has lesser baggage than me. He's had to put up with so much, the least I could do was to give in to his wishes. Make him happy. I didn’t want him to leave me. I couldn’t handle it, even now, I couldn’t seem to bear it that our hands were not in contact with each other. I think to myself, validating my point more.

 Wait. Why aren’t our hands connected? He was holding on to it as we walked to the room. I blink and look down to where our hands were supposed to be and see that my hand’s still there but Tristan’s are gone. I look around and see that he’s walked into the suite already. His bag is at his side on the floor and he turns to me in awe. When he sees the expression on my face, his face turns to confusion and concern. Tristan walks out again to me and places his hands on either of my shoulders.

“What’s wrong?” He asks me and I am too distracted by his hands on my shoulder that I need to take a while to process his words.

“N-nothing” I lie to him looking at him.

“Haven’t we been through this? You suck at lying. Really, you do. Don’t ever commit murder. Or assist in one, they’ll know it’s you.” Tristan tells me trying to make me smile.

I give him a small smile and shrug.

Tristan pouts at my lack of enthusiasm. He wraps his hands around my waist and walks me into the room and shuts the door behind him. Then he walks me to the couch-which is so soft and smooth and comfortable- and makes me sit. He sits on the coffee table opposite me and pulls me to the edge so there’s very little gap between us.

“You were devastatingly happy and excited when we were in the lift. What happened between the time, we left it to now,” He asks me as he moved his thumb in an upward, downward motion at my elbow.

I look into those blue eyes, as they will me to tell him the truth. I look down at my knees “I don’t want to have sex…now…but if you want to…. I don’t mind. I mean you’ve given up so much for me, the least I can do is this and it really isn’t my place to complain. And I can’t always be the one to make the decisions and you’re so happy and you surely want to do it but I don’t think now’s a right time either but if you think it is then I-“

I don’t get to finish cause Tristan is pulling me towards his and onto his lap and crushing his lips against mine to make me shut up. This is new. He kisses me deeply and I lose all the worry and insecurities that plague my mind. His kiss consumes my brain and every coherent thought it possesses and takes over my body, making to bend to fit his.

He finally pulls away and my brain’s in mush. I try to remember what I was talking about before the kiss but I only vaguely remember it.

“Sorry to have interrupted you, you were saying something” Tristan asks me mocking a serious look.

I press my lips into a hardline and fight the urge to grin back at him. He knew full well that I have forgotten what I was talking about…. something about sex, I try to recall. 

“Look, I. Do. Not. Want. To. Have. Sex.” Tristan tells me articulating and stopping after each word like I was a five-year-old. “Do you need me to wear those abstinence bands so you’ll get it? I just want to spend time with you. I just want to see you laughing and happy, I want to see you hair fly freely in the wind cause you look so damn beautiful when that happens. I want to see you eating ice-cream cause you don’t always get to and it’s your favorite food on the planet and when you do get to eat it, it’s like the heavens opened up for you. I want to see you be you. That’s what I want. Not sex. Sex will come when it comes. Do I carry a condom everywhere I go? Yes. But do I want to use it right now, tonight? No.” Tristan tells me sincerely as he brushes my cheek.