deranged

sixteen

"it's ok, jinni- hyunjin." jeongin stopped himself abruptly.

"don't expect this to happen again and i'll leave you alone so don't do anything stupid. tomorrow i will have bars installed in every window." and he was back again to being cold.

"b-bars? what for?"

"don't act all stupid on me now, jeongin. you know exactly why i'm putting those." hyunjin chuckled humorlessly. "i'm just reminding you.. no one could ever escape from me."

although he was being abused..the younger never paused to think of escaping. he didn't even want to because anywhere is hell but with hyunjin, it's not.

he might hurt him, use him in the worst way possible but jeongin doesn't care, not one bit. he adores the older. he belongs to him and nothing else matters anymore.

the blonde then left without uttering another word, going into the closet for fresh sheets.

" i'm not going anywhere jinnie." he whispered, staring at the ajar door. "i don't want to leave you."

;

it took him a few minutes to clean himself as he was drowning in his thoughts when he was in the tub, emerged in hot water. he had a robe on and when he walked slowly out, he saw hyunjin lying on the couch pushed to the side of the bed.

his eyes were closed when the younger took a peak and he was resisting the urge to tuck the stray blonde strands behind his ear.

"so pretty." he whispered then he walked away gently so that the boy wouldn't wake up.

the sheets were already changed and on the edge of the bed was a set of clean clothes. jeongin could feel his eyes watering.

"why do you have to change?" he mumbled to the elder even though he knows he was not going to respond. "i miss it. back when you still cared about me and you're not afraid to show it. i miss you."

he wiped the tears hastily before slipping into the shorts and shirt in front of him. it made him choke back another sob as hyunjin's familiar scent in the clothes engulf him.

it's now only in his clothes where he get to feel him again.

"when all of this is over..i'll be waiting for you to hold me in your arms again." jeongin crawled on the bed and scoot closer to the boy although he made sure he wasn't touching him or else he would be infuriated once more.

hyunjin used to love his touch. what happened now?

"thank you for staying with me, jinnie." then he flutter his eyes shut, easily drifting off because he knows the elder was with him. nothing will be able to hurt him now.

the younger was in agony. hyunjin was his safe place, his protector..but at the same time he was his abuser, he was the reason behind his tears.

he loves him so much it hurts.

;

the elder was wide awake and he heard everything that jeongin said. there were tears gently streaming down his face and when he was sure that the boy was asleep, he turn his body to face him.

"baby.." he scoot closer, bringing a hand to caress his cheek. "i fucked up."

"i'm lost, i don't know what to do anymore." hyunjin looked at him sleeping peacefully, his long lashes curtaining his eyes. "i can't keep hurting you like this but i cannot seem to gain control over myself."

the elder pulled his petite body, finally wrapping his arms around him just like he always used to do. jeongin slightly whimpered in his sleep but he snuggled deep into him.

"i promise i'll try... but i can't assure you we'll go back to what we had before."

then with a soft kiss on top of the boy's forehead he shut his eyes finally. hyunjin was scared to think what he could do tomorrow if he lost control again.

but nonetheless he tried to sleep, finding comfort by the warmth jeongin's body gave. he lazily threw the blanket over their connected bodies and went back to cuddling the younger.

morning rolled and it was just 7 am when hyunjin woke up, shivering as he felt cold. gone was the trace of innie by his side and when he saw no signs of the boy, his heart began to pace.

"jeongin? jeongin!" he frantically got up from the bed and his eyes widen in horror once he saw the trail of blood from the bed going to the closet.

"j-jinnie.." came a faint whimper from there. wasting no time he immediately ran towards that direction only to see the poor boy on the floor, both wrists bleeding along with a slit going down from his shoulders to his chest.

he was shirtless and thankfully the cut wasn't as deep as he thought but still the elder was in shock.

"what did you do!?" he was panicking as he pulled jeongin to his lap. "baby what did you do." his voice was softer this time as he pulled him into a tight hug, arms wrapping protectively around his waist.

"i-i can't breathe..i can't see.." his fingers attempted to clung onto hyunjin but his eyes were slowly shutting.

he couldn't finish the sentence as he passed out the second his cuts were more exposed without immediate attention.

"fuck! innie what did you do." his voice was shaking and he hastily he swiped his phone from the back pocket of his pants.

"call the family doctor and inform him about an emergency. i need him here right now!" he was shouting and the guard at the other line ended the call to obey his command.

"jeongin?" he was shaking jeongin's body and the faint rising up of his chest was the only thing that gave him comfort. "wake up!"

tears were threatening to fall from his eyes but they didn't and it was blurring his vision.

"baby..stay a litte longer." he shakily bit his lip.
"please."

what have i done?