The Sun Mask

✨Chapter 11✨

Warning :

- Pills

- Panic attack

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Hinata's Pov

I woke up at 4 a.m. like usual, but it was different this time. My nightmare last night was the memories of my past performing in my head, so I woke up in cold sweat, as my panic attack arise. I breathe heavily, as my panic attack pills was in the bathroom. I still managed to walk towards my door while breathing heavily and pulled the handle.

Yachi-san immediately turned her head and she expressed a worried and sad emotion on her face. Tears fall out of her eyes and walk on her cheeks and fell on the floor, as I dropped to my knees and she started panicking. 

She asked me to breathe and tried to do the method therapists usually teaches in google or youtube, but it never worked on me, it's useless.. "P-pills...ba-bath...b-ath..ro-om..." I stuttered, as I was breathing even heavier, she understood and immediately ran to the bathroom.

She managed to find it and I took it while my whole body was shaking and I directly ate the pills. She gave me a glass of water prepared on her hands and  I gulped it down. After 2 minutes, I calmed down and she just cried while hugging me, I could feel her warm tears on my right shoulder, as I could also feel my dried tears on my cheeks from before.

She let go and I asked her not to cry, as it actually makes me sad, since she's somewhat like a sister to me now, an older sister. She just sniffed and went to grab the mop to wipe our tears that was on the floor, also the water that spilled a little from the glass that I drank before. She told me to rest and I tried to protest, but she was on her final decision and I couldn't really fight back, so I just agreed and rest on my bed while listening to music.

I stayed like that for about 30 minutes and then I decided to cool myself and take a bath. I stayed in the bath tub for about an hour, while listening to music, it helps me cool down and relax. I dressed myself and went to my bedroom. I wanted to eat my sleeping pill and drift to a nightmare, but I was scared the nightmare was gonna be like last night.

I decided to chat the boys that I'm not going to school, cause I was sick and they told me they were gonna visit, I just allow them to visit and told Yachi-san that some of my friends are gonna visit. She just agreed, as long as I rest, it's fine, she told me with a mixed of pity, relieved, worried, sympathetic and warm smile.

I gave her a reassuring smile in response. Now, I don't actually fake my smiles in front of Yachi-san, nor the boys. I still do it to other people though. I decided to read my twilight episode 2 novel while sitting on my bed, my back leaning on the soft pillow. I didn't took notice of the time, while reading the last page of the episode 2 twilight novel. 

I heard a knock from outside, "come in" I said and put down my novel, as I finished it. I look back to see the boys gathered in my room. I was surprised, but then remembered from the messages. They sat down on the floor looking up at me for a while, then they started to ask questions about my 'sickness'.

I made up a lie, as I'm not ready yet to tell them about it. I could tell, some of them believed it and some others were doubting it, either way, I'm glad they didn't ask about it anymore. They also asked about Yachi-san and I just told them that she's my manager to schedule my daily activities and such.

When they asked about Yachi-san, I could see their faces were troubled even though they tried to hide it.  After they got my answer, they brightened up a bit, just a bit though, I could still see a hint of their troubled expression. After that, they asked me a question I'd never expect they'd ask, "what's your sexuality?" I could tell they hesitated to ask about it, but I just told them, "I'm gay". 

Their faces immediately perked up after I said that, I don't understand why, but I decided not to question it and move to another topic. Time passed by, as my room was filled with laughter's, silence, awkwardness, shouts, mocks and insults, jokingly passed to one another, exceptional for me though.

Then, Yachi-san knocked and went inside to tell me to eat, as it's already 4 p.m. I agreed and I went out, the boys following me. I saw the plate served for me by Yachi-san, I asked if the boys wanted to eat ad they all refused and thanked me for offering to them in the first place. 

They told me that they needed to head back, as I got a little stinging wanting them to stay but let them leave anyway. They bid their farewells to me and I waved back as a response with a sincere grateful smile that they were willing to visit me and accompany me. I dine and do my night routines, as I spent the last few hours before going to bed by chatting the boys.

Until Yachi-san went inside my room and told me to sleep, I followed and eat my pill. I crawl to the bed and snuggle under the warm and cozy blanket, as I soon drift off to sleep, walking in a nightmare. I could hear a minute, as I started to drift to sleep, the door creaked open, as Yachi-san turned off the lights for me and utter a small "goodnight" with her nonchalant voice.