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You know, whenever I text you saying that I'm a horrible person or I did something bad, your response is always the same. You say," that's not true, you are better than most of the people I know." As much as that made my heart flattered, and drew a smile on my face. You aren't a sweet talker but you were wrong, I'm not better than people you know, I know your people, and I'm nothing compared to them. How could I be better than anyone when my heart and head are filled with jealousy and envy? My thoughts and actions that a normal person wouldn't do or think of... Do you know how hard is it to pretend you don't envy someone? And that someone is your friend... I envy a friend for having a good relationship with their parents, I envy someone close to their mother, I envy someone that talks to their father, I envy someone that doesn't have to worry about the pills from a young age. I envy someone that has someone stable in their life and doesn't fear losing them. I envy my mother for her morals, stability and strength. I envy my siblings for having a lot of friends that they talk to. I envy someone who isn't stuck in the cycle of the past. I envy a person who can call someone and find them there. I envy people who are down to earth, the people who work hard and who have hope. I envy people who are themselves without the fear of others judging them. I envy those who see the good in people and things. I envy people who stick to their promises. I envy you for your kindness and words. I envy my friend for finding someone that they are close to. I envy those who have someone to tell them everything. I envy people who don't have to suffer from the burden of those f simple the those NGS. Those envies those who learn from their pasts and move on. I envy people who can sleep without having to worry about tomorrow. I wish I was in the shoes of the person that you love. I wish I could tell you everything, I wish that I can, but I'm unable to. Even though you have ensured me that I can, but the fear of not understanding. The fear of being viewed by you as a bad person could kill me. I wish I could get it all out, but whatever I say, it's not enough, it's never enough, I'm not doing enough... I'm not enough.
