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Two days ago, I was talking to a "friend", I don't know what came over me but I went on a personal level with them, why? I don't know. They didn't give a wrong impression or the vibe, they were just... Them. Back to where I was, when I talked about personal things, I shouldn't have even breathed next to them, they unvalidated me, and start talking down to me. And then went on talking about how I'm ungrateful for what is in my hand and I had to stop complaining. And they went on how I was being selfish and those aren't real problems.
That got me thinking about it, when someone tells me their problem, I would unintentionally compare it to my problems, and it wouldn't match theirs, it sometimes makes me think, are my problems... Problems?
If they were, they are nothing compared to others, if they weren't... well they aren't and I just want to complain.
But are they not problems? Like, don't they make life a lit bit difficult? If they weren't real, so the nights I had spent crying were over nothing? It was just me overreacting? It doesn't make sense... Nothing makes sense.
So just me telling you meant nothing? They weren't anything? Then why did you try to solve it? Why did you try to ease it for me? Were they even something? Why did I care so much about them then? Why did I cry for some of them? Why if it wasn't solved everything would stop and I wouldn't be able to process life?
Why would you take so much of me complaining? Why? Why did you care? What was so special? Even my close friends didn't care or even listen. I didn't feel safe telling them. And I never did, even with you.
But with time passing, I started felt safe telling you. But you never said anything about yours, not that you had to. But it just felt, I was being vulnerable... The feeling of you pitting me was eating me alive, I had to stop telling anyone. And I would like to say, it's hard, so hard. I just want someone to tell everything without any fears, I want someone to talk to about petty things and they would still care.
Not that you didn't care or didn't do any of the said, I just can not want someone who was already taken.
I guess I'm starting to baffle, so I will just end it here.
