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Talking to you is like heaven, hearing your laugh made butterflies erupt from my stomach, I've become clingy and cliche, I talk about you all the time to my friends. To the point that they just said go and marry you... Talking about friends. There are some things that I had always wanted to talk about but never felt right to tell anyone... I will write it here until I dare to tell anyone.
A while ago I came across a video saying that you've lost someone, close or not, now all you want to do is ask how they are for the last time. I didn't care that much, cause I didn't think that I had lost someone, that until I opened my contacts to find their number there, then they were on my Instagram account, I can see the last time they were active. I opened our texts and I wish I didn't, memories came rushing, from the first time I talked to them to the last time we talked. And the seen mark on my last message, no response, I scrolled up. I remember them being my comfort zone, them telling me their problems in a hope that I could help them. The time I forgot their name, us talking till four a.m., sending silly videos, making fun of each other, and lastly, me screwing it up.
They were going to a boarding school for the first time, I didn't care that much, they kept talking about how awful their folks, me not knowing what to say, me closing social media, them doing their best to get to me, they talked to a good amount of people to reach for me, they kept checking if I was okay, the thing was, I didn't feel great(i still don't) so I didn't talk to anyone for a straight month, they kept spamming till I had responded until they had stopped, I was too tired to care so we didn't talk for two weeks until I decided to break my silence. I asked how they are and the conversation went great, that until I noticed a change, they used slangs, barely responded, and always, ok, lmao. To say this pissed me off would be an understatement, so I didn't talk. It went on for three weeks and then they came with the text, "you changed and I don't like it." I didn't know what to say, how are you supposed to react to something like that? I didn't have much to say so I said that it was a bit rough at home... I wanted to tell them what happened but then I remember the last time I told them, it was everybody goes through shit, like yeah your parents are bad but that doesn't mean every parent is. To say that pissed me off too much to handle would be an understatement, I saw the message and responded with okay...
I didn't mean for it to go downhill, they were my friend, a close one too, for a very long period, they were the only ones that I had talked to. I didn't have the energy to talk to anyone but I pressured myself so I wouldn't get the text you don't care about me. I mean yeah, I'm a walking asshole and an idiot, but I did care and I still do, I wasn't ready for the friendship to just ending so I would always apologise whenever we fought. I stopped being comfortable with them in case they got angry or decided to not talk to me anymore, it was a miserable period, I wouldn't want to be lonely so I would force myself to talk to people, I made a lot of friendships, but they never last, I don't want ours to end up like this, I don't want my friends and i's friendship end like that. And most importantly, I would like to go back in time and fix what I did wrong, maybe then we could still be talking.
