I'm Sorry

Fam...ily

Hey, it's me again, I didn't have anything better to do... And I also wanted to get some things off my chest.

And what is better than writing to you even though I'm never sending it?

I remembered when we used to talk and I would always complain about my family... Truth is... Some of the things that I had said aren't true. Some were a bit of an exaggeration from my side.

It wasn't always that loud or annoying, as far as I remember, it was peaceful... Or that was what I thought... I mean the house most of the time is quiet, it isn't always that bad as I used to say... The truth is I don't know what I would be without my family.

Yes, we fight, a lot... To the point that neighbours and relatives would get worried. I don't think they should be... They already have their problems.

Wednesdays are the hardest cause dad would get home and he would be mad... So he either get his anger on us or just leave in the middle of the night. I got used to it.

Saturdays aren't fun anymore, maybe cause the house would be stressed over my dad going to work.

My sister isn't the most peaceful person when she comes from school and lessons... She also has a lot of drama with her classmates and teachers...

My little sister always gets frustrated when one of her friends mention the fact that they have phones... She would get home and cry... Making mom sicker than she already is. She got a little out of hand with social media.

Back to dad... He is a great guy... Maybe little anger. Sometimes it gets out of hand and he would d hit us. Mom and grandma say that it's okay, he is teaching us. Trying to protect us from this world... Honestly, that is bullshit. Like imagine living your kid trauma and think that's parenting. Imagine instead of building love and trust between your kids you build fear. Man, I still remember his words so clear. "I don't trust you."

And for what? Because I lied and got my tablet to play some games. Dude, I laugh every time he says or mom that he doesn't want to hit us. Like okay? You still did. And you still do. What's worse is when I tell someone that I want to go away they say that some people wish to be where I am... And leave under a roof.

I'm not saying I'm ungrateful but I developed a fear of my man... From my father.

My mother, she isn't a saint. But I do give her credits... Cause no one would go through it all with my dad and stay. Like I even wouldn't stay. I know I sound like an asshole but...but I'm tired. I'm sick. I want some rest.

Mom isn't the best, nor the worse... Even though I haven't seen someone treat their kids like this. But she is not evil. Like, one surviving my dad and his family. If that isn't hero shit. I don't know what is.

Of course, I do have situations where I just want her to die but coming to think of it. My mom is my only savour. thi s  hi ser face but most of the time she is the only one that is there for me.

I sound like an awful ungrateful kid, don't I?

This is messy... Maybe I will rewrite it... But I will keep this raw draft.

Yours,
Me

Draft 2

Let's hope this more organised.
I'm going to list things my family had didn't that I just can not forget.

My Father

My dude is going to get a long list.

• The constant reminder that I'm a failure.
• Ughhh fuck

Draft 3
This is the third time and the last time I will try. The third time is the charm.
...

I gave up. Maybe I will try later