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The other day I was at my relatives' house, sitting on my phone as none of them had an interesting topic to talk about, I would occasionally joke, then I said two sentences that I barely remember, my mother gave me a death glare, they noticed and told her to calm down, it's okay to be impulsive, she brushed it off until we went back home and started with the talk of you should control yourself, you shouldn't be impulsive whether this person is close to you or not, your impulsivity could put you in a situation that could have been easily avoided, also you shouldn't talk back to me and listen, didn't you see your cousin? She doesn't talk much and when she does, it's with a quiet voice. Try and learn from their manners. And you could catch the rest. It now is more confusing than ever, what does she want me to do? Not talk? Did that and she yell? Engage in the conversation? I said the wrong things. Talked about school? I'm being dramatic. Something I like? Can't do that unless I want a lesson from every member of the family about the loud and fast voice. Talked privately? You are a disgrace and you dare to hide something from me, you're doing something wrong. Didn't go? You just want to sit on your phone talking to your peasants of friends. Also, don't talk strongly, you will appear rude. Stop getting angry at your aunts, they tell you that for your best. Don't talk about your problems, cause who am I and what are my problems?!
It wasn't just the relatives, we used to hang out with some family friends, every time we hang out and I get excited about something or want to run or show emotions he goes to my mother with the phrase her voice us too loud for a lady. Or her voice is too loud. And so on with the same meaning. When I stopped going with them I'm suddenly being insensitive and I should go out.
It doesn't stop there, some teachers commented on how I should control my temper... Let's look at one of the reasons I get mad, either they don't listen or change the time of revision class, so I have to get surprised before it by ten minutes than it is in the time I had dragged myself in the room. Or the rude kids that they have, that they let say some shit that if I weren't older I would've caused them trouble.
I'm labelled as the angry, the disrespectful and the rude one. I always say the wrong things at the wrong times. And they still don't tell me how to act properly, how am I supposed to know what annoys them or not when they don't say anything?
I'm getting on my nerves by just remembering, this isn't even a bite of the whole meal. I feel like I'm stuck and unsure which to please. It's all getting confusing.
Before I get any deeper and cause myself to cry I'll have to end it here, write to me later, I guess.
