⏸️Play - My love [Lee hi]
Third person's pov
The loud chirping of the birds, woke Hoseok up from his deep slumber. Lately, he's been sleeping a lot than he usually does. But, he is thankful for that.
Doing his morning routine, he got ready for the day--skipping his breakfast like any other day, of course.
Collecting his keys and phone, he locked the door and started walking. He felt his legs aching--of course it'd because how in the hell walking an hour back home was a good idea?--but he didn't care. Feeling the fatigue in his body helped him realize he was alive every other day. It was a reminder to himself.
Walking another thirty minutes, he reached the clinic.
"You can enter in ten minutes," the receptionist smiled at him. He mirrored her action and took a seat out of his consultation room. It was his appointment day with Namjoon.
"Please go in, Mr Jung," the receptionist motioned to the door. Knocking twice, he went in.
"Hey, Hoseok," Namjoon smiled, his dimples peaking out like everytime. The sight of Namjoon's dimples made Hoseok feel calm for some reason.
Hoseok took a seat opposite to Namjoon.
"How are you feeling today?" he questioned enthusiastically like he'd do with any other patient of his.
"Same," Hoseok shrugged.
To Hoseok, Namjoon was the only person he didn't have to fake his smile, or fake his real feelings. He could be himself around the latter because Namjoon could always see through Hoseok's lies.
He was not his psychiatrist for nothing.
"Namjoon, I wanted to tell you," Hoseok started, to which his psychiatrist nodded encouragingly. "These marks keep blooming out of nowhere. Do you think this is some side effects of the new dosage you prescribed?" Hoseok moved his turtle neck away showing the black marks on his neck and chest.
The marks were dark, spread on his chest--like the roots of a tree--now starting to spread on his neck, slowly. It looked so painful, honestly.
Leaning closer, Namjoon inspected the wounds--eyebrows quirked in confusion. Medicinal allergy while changin dosage was common, but what he saw was uncommon.
Okay, not uncommon, but those were not because of the medicines for sure.
"Since when, Hoseok?"
"It's been around.. uh, I don't know, some two weeks. At first it was so small, like a blood clot and then it started spreading," he answered, his lips forming a small pout naturally.
Frowning, Namjoon leaned in to inspect one last time. He got an idea of what it could be, but he can't be sure without further inspection. But, again, trying won't hurt, right?
"Hoseok, you have to tell me something," seriousness was painted on Namjoon's face.
"Yes?" his phone ding-ed right after indicating he got a message. Putting it aside, he focused on Namjoon.
"Do you have feelings for someone?" Namjoon looked skeptical, as if he was trying hard to find the proper words to put it in, because he can't make Hoseok uncomfortable. As his doctor and well wisher it's his duty to make the latter feel safe and get better.
"F-Feelings?"
"Yes. Romantic feelings for someone,"
"Why are you asking?" Hoseok frowned, looking at his doctor questioningly. How would knowing Hoseok's feelings for someone help him with those marks on his body?
"Those marks are not because of the medicines, Seok,"
"Then?" now Hoseok looked even more confused.
"It's because of the Hanahaki," Hoseok's eyes widened at that. Because of the Hanahaki? He never knew the roots of those flowers would spread like this? like-like, as if it was poisoned.
"Wha-What are you saying?" the information was overwhelming to him, his eyes widened, fingers shaking due to the anxious feeling settling in the bottom pit of his stomach.
This can't be happening.
"It's about time you get a surgery or go confess to whoever they are," at least Namjoon wasn't disgusted with the fact that Hoseok had feelings for someone else though he was married to another man.
Because, Namjoon knows.
Namjoon knows what kind of a failure was Hoseok's marriage life. A small part of him hoped that Taehyung could really make the elder happy. That Taehyung could shower Hoseok with the love he actually deserved. Not because Taehyung was his brother, but Hoseok was his good friend. But those hopes were crumbled and crushed the moment he saw the roots of Hoseok's hanahaki spread. It will kill him in no time.
But he still believed that whoever Hoseok had those feelings for would reciprocate it. So that he can see his friend live a happy life. So that his patient and a friend could finally smile. Genuinely.
"O-Okay," Hoseok nodded. It was a lie. Hoseok could never confess his love to the person he's caught feelings for. Hoseok can never let that latter know. Not when he hates Hoseok with a burning passion. Not when a mere touch disgusts him to the core. Not when he never tried to understand Hoseok.
Not when the person he's caught feelings for was Yoongi. Min Yoongi, the man he was lawfully wedded to. The same man who he used to lean on when shit went down south.
He was going to hide it forever like he did with those white carnations. White carnations meant purity and true love, but a day never passed without Hoseok thinking how he tainted it, the purity of the carnations.
His love was as pure as those flowers. But he wasn't. Not in the eyes of his lover, at least.
So he would hide it.
He would hide his feelings like he did with the spreading root, which would strip him out of his life soon. Somehow, his love was not meant to be--from the beginning.
"Will you really?" Namjoon questioned, eyes squinted in disbelief. Hoseok can't let him know. He can't let Namjoon worry about him.
"I will, for sure," he replied firmly, not smiling. Namjoon will know, so he didn't smile.
"Okay,"
And the session continued for a few more minutes, Hoseok explaining how his past two weeks were, if there were any improvements, if he felt slightest bit of happiness and so on.
Once the session ended, he got up from the chair he was sat on for the past one and a half an hour, getting ready to leave the closed white four walled room. It felt suffocating.
"Bye, see you soon," Namjoon smiled, mentioning their next appointment. But, Namjoon didn't know that Hoseok wasn't going to come to the sessions anymore.
Waving at Namjoon, Hoseok left the clinic.
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A boring filler chapter, honestly, because I don't even know what I'm doing with this story anymore :')
Maybe I'll try to add some nice, soft moments for the next few chapters..
And, NAMSEOK IS SOFT 🥺
YOU ARE READING
Blue and grey || ʏᴏᴏɴsᴇᴏᴋ✓
Fanfiction"Why don't you get a surgery?" "A life without loving him? I would rather die," His lungs were filled with flowers. His heart stinging with thorns--from his lover's words. Maybe, Hoseok didn't think about the effects of Hanahaki disease when he fell...
