the line between you & me

naive

Let Me Go

It is the stars passing in the night
It is my own slow, steady breath
It is a fall breeze and the rain
It is the songs, billowing into my ears
It is the laughs and the time

It is within these walls of description
That I found my peace and tranquillity
It was the forbearance of advice
And how many people were holding me
As I cried when I was completing a task

These things were material and sometimes not
But they supported, endorsed, and healed
I watched myself blossom into the world again
Hurt not by your actions, but my betrayal of self

Next month will make a year
Because you were fine that night
You fell in love with yourself all over
While I fell asleep numb
Comfortable at last, you slipped away
Your hold on me was merciless

So you took hold of every soul you could find
And I was jealous, apprehensive and aching
I wanted to feel that love you kept
Within the nights I grew anxious
I was not fooled to believe I didn't know
How she touched your neck and chest

It was the anniversary you decided on
Although you never could remember dates
I recorded your words, your actions and stumbles
One day you came back to me
In pieces but as a whole
And that was the day I realized
You truly missed my broken soul

I took your offer to revisit your home
Against my better judgment, and shattered will
Carved into the flames, you looked at me tight
Your hazel eyes touched me
But the feeling wasn't right

I watched her hold your hand
And she threw daggers in my direction
"He's mine now, don't even dare"
She couldn't erase, or fabricate our connection
What everyone tried, I was the only one
Who succeeded

Little did they know
It was me you begged to see at night
Up until the very last thing I said
"I do love you"
"But" you stared at my face
"I am not in love with you anymore"

You felt remorse for your mistakes that day
That day I never imagined would come
I stand here today, always feeling your presence
Just like I always know you'll be

A year ago I thought it would be you consoling me
Not the other way around
I can feel what you feel
And it's a very powerful emotion
That's foreign to you; you don't need a book
For you are the writer, the boy and the man
That is broken and sad

Because I no longer can
Be the girl you fall back on
When you're drunk and alone
Or when your grief creeps up
And shadows her face on the phone
Or even when you're walking to the store
And you see all the blue eyes
Who are wearing my favorite color

You write the words of atonement
That you should've written sooner
You know that as you keep losing your grip
On my heart you once owned
And the last name I almost gave up

You see me smiling and blushing
And wish you were the reason
I circle my fingers like I did when I was nervous
Except now it's because of new butterflies
And no longer your red ones

Remember the light, the patterns, the happiness?
And the white picket fence you built in April?
I remember and know without a shadow of doubt
That those memories haunt you
And taunt you and tease you
The regret you feel is strong and solid

Like the day I finally said my goodbyes
Including the calls that mirrored our bond
Sinking into oblivion, you didn't even notice
The parts of me that were broken,
Were fixing themselves and providing me growth
Whereas you felt fine, and content
But emptiness has taken your heart now

Loving you was forever, like I always knew it was
The leaves changed color, and I fell in love
Not with another person, but with the world
I watch the days go by with anticipation and joy
While I know you sit miserable and in a void

I cannot fix you, or your broken soul
My job is here: present and pushing forward
Towards better things, and loving the seconds
So I will hold you tight in my mind and heart
Because you were and are worthy of love
Then, now, and the day you finally let me go. m.g.