Last year, I have been travel a lot, flying between states to states. Checking up schedule and programs in order everything to run smoothly.
I am trying my best to do my job. Even at that moment my mind actually started becoming cloudy and any wrong decision and mistakes agitated me. Thus, I reserved to just observing and let my staff handle most of things. I started to realize, I can't function efficiently anymore. And my body felt too fatigue that it need rest but, I can't really sleep.
I have been thinking I should quit my job. But, I was worried a lot. So much things that mess my mind and hurt my head.
I lose myself for few times and I need to leave this office and get treatment.
But, I was afraid, I was scared. I wish Allah will help me and show me the best path.
Allah did send me the best way. He changed the government and I was forced to quit.
I seek for treatment. Take long break. Try all I could to just keep living. Stop worrying and make peace with my life and my mind. Allah will help me. I just a very weak girl who has nothing but Allah will suffice me with His sustenance.
My depression and anxiety still part of me and will appear without warning. Still on meds. Can't work properly. So, I only did the small business and part time job.
This is hard to admit, because I always grateful with my life. Allah grant me everything that I need. Still, I always feel lonely, I feel lack of love, I feel hurt and sad. I am so ashamed that I still complaining about my life after all beautiful thing Allah grant me.
I just want to be more appreciated and thankful to everything that Allah has given to me. And to use everything for the beneficial of people who in need.
I just wish to be a kind person who prays to remember and grateful towards Allah.
