Fuck It List

20: denial

"Okay um sure", she said a little puzzled but put on her shoes and grabbed her jacket.

She passed you but before she pulled the door close behind her she gave you a small, sly smile and whispered in a faked sympathetic tone "hope you can sort it out."

She shut the door and her words from her warning echoed in your head. He isn't the one to stick around and go out with you.

You directed your eyes towards Jungkook and had to blink away the tears pricking your eyes.

"Wait here, I'll quickly put on a shirt", he said and disappeared upstairs which gave you a little time to collect yourself if possible.

You didn't even bother to go into the living room and sit down on the couch because you weren't going to stay. You wanted to get out of here as soon as possible.

"Babe, I don't know what this looks like to you but I never meant to hurt you in any way", he said making you lift your gaze.

"I said don't call me babe", you repeated quietly. He didn't get to call you that. Not anymore.

"Who do you think you are?", you asked raising your voice a little as the pain took control of you, "who are you to tell me to kiss no one else and then you go off and fvck Rachel?"

"We didn't-" "What does it matter? You were intimate, that's already enough!"

"Tell me was she the only one you've been fvcking or were there more?", you asked trying to keep your cool, "you know what, don't. Don't tell me."

"Listen, I didn't have anything with any other girl while we...", he said coming a little closer, "Rachel and I used to be friends with benefits. And when she came over and threw herself on me... I guess I kind of fell back into old patterns."

You stayed quiet as you were concentrating on not letting your tears spill from your eyes.

"And I thought after you gave your number to that guy that you were moving on. That it was okay if we met other people", he explained making it even worse, "I didn't know you'd be so upset about it."

"A phone number and a kiss aren't the same. What do you expect me to do now?", you asked struggling to hold the tears back, "if you get to kiss someone else, I do too. You can't help me with the bucket list anymore anyway. I think we're done so you and I can do whatever we want."

"Y/N, don't do it", he said in a low voice and pierced you with unfathomable eyes.

"You don't get to tell me what to do", you said approaching the door, "you know I kind of thought... I really thought we had... nevermind, I was wrong. You didn't change a single bit. Why would you?"

You threw a last look at him and escaped his house before he could see your tears. He didn't get to see how vulnerable he made you.

You didn't care about your phone anymore. You just wanted to go home.

When you arrived at home you changed into something comfortable, got the ice cream he always ate up and put on a cheesy movie.

You cried a few tears of agony but soon calmed down. You overreacted and had too high expectations. Before you got yourself into this you knew how he was with girls.

And you missed the chance to tell him how you felt afraid of getting hurt. Eventually you got hurt anyway. Your fault.

You finished off the ice cream, started another movie and fell asleep halfway through.

The next day you woke up feeling a lot better. Or maybe you were just fooling yourself. Because the pain would be too much to handle for you.

After working for college half of the day you were interrupted when the doorbell rang and your mother called you downstairs after she opened the door.

You walked downstairs and entered the entrance corridor just to be met with Jungkook's dark appearance.

Black in black. Black pants, black t-shirt, black boots and black leather jacket, black curls ruffled sticking up into every direction. As handsome as always.

He gave you a small smile and reached out his arm to hand you your phone.

"You forgot this yesterday", he said, his voice cracking a little. You nodded and took it from him.

"Thanks", you said quietly and after a while you decided to speak up, "I'm sorry about yesterday. I-"

"You did nothing wrong", he cut you off.

"No, please I need to explain myself", you shook your head, "I overreacted. You were right. I mean it was me who said 'no feelings involved'. I had no right to freak out like that. Let's forget about it, okay?"

He seemed a little dumbfounded because of your words but slowly nodded.

"So how about you help me find the perfect hot stranger to kiss?", you said giggling.

A look of displeasure flashed on his face and he just shrugged.

"Do you want to stay?", you asked in a cheerful voice, "I ate up your favourite ice cream but we could make cookies instead. If you're not busy with anything or anyone else?"

"Nah, I'd rather make cookies with you", he said shaking off his resentment and kicked off his shoes, "let's get this bread."

"You mean this cookie dough", you said laughing as he put an arm around you and you made your way into the kitchen.

You weren't sure who you tried fooling with your happy show. Deep down you were hurting and sad that you never got to tell him the truth. But he went with it.

You were back to being besties and acting like nothing ever happened between you.

At first it was weird as hell. There was still a certain tension between you and you caught him several times staring at you in awe as if he was contemplating whether to say something or not.

But after a week it got better and when he asked you to come to another one of these frat parties with him you agreed in hopes of ticking off the last but one point.

When he pulled up in front of the fraternity house you quickly checked your make-up in the mirror of the sun visor aware of Jungkook's stare on you.

"So you gonna help me find a nice stranger or not?", you asked smacking your lips.

You have my permission to talk shit about Rachel :)

Btw I love Rachel from friends. This character has nothing to do with her.