Fuck It List

07: making up

You didn't exactly break up. You just drifted apart, each one of you getting caught up in work for college and trying to get ahead of your lives.

You barely saw each other and when you did you were either fighting over the most stupid things or not talking at all.

It was a tough and cold time. You felt lonely even when you were with him.

And then at short notice you were offered the possibility to study abroad for one year.

You didn't hesitate long and took the chance to educate yourself further and see more of the world, live your life and collect memories and experiences.

You told him you would leave and wouldn't see each other for a year. You wouldn't have the money to come back for Christmas. But he didn't care.

Deep down you knew he was hurt and sad that you'd go but he was too proud to admit it. It was easier for him to ignore the pain he was feeling and just let you go.

You were hurt by his coldness and ignorance. But eventually you realised it might be better if you ended it like this and put your relationship to sleep.

However, you weren't ready to let go yet. You still remembered all the beautiful and happy moments you had. Like the afterglow of a breathtaking sunset. It was hard to believe but after a cold and dark night, the sun will rise again. 

In the last hear you had a lot of time to think about your life, your future and the 'we' you wanted to become with Jungkook again. You really did.

You were older, more mature, had your bachelor and realistic prospects for jobs. And he seemed to have used the time too.

He had his own apartment and was doing his master although he swore he'd never do it and just be glad that he made it through three years of college.

He changed his views, has matured and maybe be in a different place. A place which actually might make it possible for you to do what you couldn't do at 21.

You just needed to talk it out. You couldn't start over without treating your old wounds.

"Maybe we should talk about how we didn't communicate properly", you suggested wearily, "how I failed you. How we didn't manage to get married and let all we had go to waste. Just like that."

He sighed deeply and looked at his hands thinking about what to answer.

"I'm... I'm sorry", he said in a low voice, "I'm sorry is all I can say because that's all I feel looking back. I regret lashing out on you and for letting go so easily."

You took a deep breath feeling how the pressure on your wounded heart got a little lighter.

"But I don't regret proposing to you. And I don't regret a single moment with you", he said making eye contact with you.

"What happened, happened and we can't go back", he said leaning in, "but we can change the future. And damn it, I won't give up on us because I still love you like crazy."

A small smile appeared on his lips as he said the last sentence. You shyly returned the smile.

"I'm glad you apologised. I think that's all I wanted to hear for now", you admitted nodding, "and I need to apologise, too. I acted rashly, I hurt you with my words and I had too high expectations of you. I was wrong for that."

You considered your next move shortly but you quickly gave in. You reached out your hands and placed them gently on his. He turned his palms upside for your hands to lie in.

"It's long forgotten", he said brushing your skin with his thumb.

"Don't say that. I can see that you're hurting", you said quietly. You knew he was still just as hurt as you.

Your heart ached seeing him lower his head in attempt to hide his true feelings. You knew how hard it was to show how vulnerable one was.

You screwed up your courage and pulled your hands away to get up making him look up confused. You walked around the table and glanced at his lap to signal you wanted to sit down there.

He smiled and reached out his arms to wrap them around your waist and pull you on his lap.

You put your arms around his neck and placed a sweet peck on his lips. It was hard to kiss him only shortly because you wanted the kiss to last longer. You had missed him so much.

But your conversation and making up was more important right now. You needed to get everything off your chest.

"You don't need to hide your pain from me", you said in a soft voice, "I believe we can heal together. We need some time but after finally talking I feel like we can do it."

"Really?", he asked, his eyes lighting up in joy and you nodded smiling more widely.

"Then let's do it", he said looking deeply into your eyes, "I don't want to waste any more time."

"So... about the list", you said glancing at it hesitantly.

"Where do we start?", you asked and he smirked opening his mouth to say something but youq quickly added, "and don't suggest something dirty. You know I won't go with that for the start."

"Too bad", he said pouting cutely making you giggle amused. He hasn't changed a bit when it came to that.

He looked in your eyes and then wandered his eyes over your face taking in every detail of it.

"Well, I have something particular in mind", he said honestly, "but it could be too soon to ask this of you but I'm going to ask anyway."

You looked at him expectantly.

"Move in with me, babe."