Now baby, don't push me cuz I'm close to the edge. I know you know, some women can be lied to. And cheated on, and beated on. Somebody know. Every woman has a breaking point.
-Keri Hilson
"Get off of me! Get off of me!"
I yelled trying my best to get him off of me.
I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to have sex with this man. Please God, I was pleading to God that he won't let this happen to me. He won't let this man touch me or violate me in any way, shape, or form.
"Shut up bitch!"
I started to cry. Cry because this was about to happen. I knew it was about to happen. I felt him fumbling with my zipper on my jeans while I covered my breast since he had already forced me to remove my bra.
I couldn't believe this was about to happen. I couldn't believe he had got my jeans off of me and without any contraceptive pushed himself deep inside of me without any heart or care for what he was doing as I screamed out loud.
I was losing my virginity. I was losing my virginity. To someone I barely knew. To someone I didn't know. He had took something so precious from me. Something I loved, I cherished, I cared about in my life and I wanted to protect until I found the one that truly made me happy, made me smile, made me laugh, even made me cry, and loved me.
I wanted to lose my virginity with nice rose petals all over the bed in a heart and I wanted him to tell me that he would have done anything to have a moment like this with me. That he would do anything to marry me. That he wouldn't take the moment away for him to have something so precious for granted.
He would take my clothes off and kiss down my body sweet and slowly making sure to get his impression and imprint on each and every part of my body. Then when he got down below he would tell me that I was beautiful and that he promised he would go slow and take time with my body so that I could get used too it. I would say I'm ready and although he's hurting with pleasure he takes his time and by the end of the night the only thing we can do while panting is say, "I Love You."
But I won't ever get that opportunity. I let the tears drop down my face as he pushed himself deep inside of me and I started crying harder. He was really doing this. He was hurting me and when he did I couldn't help but yell like a child. He put his hand over my mouth and pushed his head inside of my neck, humping me.
One.
Two.
Three.
I continued to counted how many times his body moved up and down, back and forth until I felt his hand come into my mouth harder and the tears started to fade with new ones.
I wasn't getting any pleasure while he was fueled with pleasure. I was fueled with pain and hurt. I wanted this too be over already. I regret even coming home now. I regret not staying in Atlanta for the break and I regret talking to him because if I wouldn't have done any of those things. I wouldn't be here getting raped.
"W-what are you doing here John?"
I asked remembering his name from court. Over and over, I remembered his name. I remember what he did. I remembered what he caused me, but I was holding back the tears and staying far away from him as possible.
"I came to apologize for what I did.
I'm so--"
I clinched my teeth and held onto my daughter even tighter with her head in my neck. I didn't want her to see him, I didn't want him to see her. He could say it was accident like he did in court all he wanted too but I wasn't about to hear him apologize after a couple years in jail. He wouldn't get that from me.
"I don't want to hear your sorry's. I just don't. I've moved on and I wish you would stay the hell away from me-- Move do not come closer to me!"
I yelled once he started coming closet to me. I had picked up the knife that was on the cabinet behind me that I backed up into that was sharp and lengthy. I held it close to his face.
I was so angry that I found myself yelling now. I was upset and I didn't want to be around him. He made my flesh crawl. He disgusted me.
"Stay the fuck away from me because if you come one more inch closer to me, I will stab your ugly ass! I mean that! Your the one who fucked with me, raped me, and you think you can come back now and fuck with me? Hell no John. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you and what you did to me. I hope you rot in hell for what you did."
I spoke putting the tip of the knife to his chest forgetting about Charity. Well that was up until her head came up knocking my anger down a noch.
John looked up at Charity and I knew he knew knew now. Those same brown eyes that I hated, those same lips that were plump stuck to Charity like a sore thumb.
I didn't want to look at him so I looked at Charity who had look of unassurance on her face. I looked down and kissed her on her cheek with a smile on my face. Back and forth over and over again until I felt Charity's hands rubbing my cheeks. I was crying, softly, but surely. It finally clicked.
"Is she mine?"
I looked up from Charity and standing on the stairs were my family and in front of me, John.
I didn't respond I just looked at Charity as she was still focused on me and my tears.
"You ready to go baby?"
I questioned her.
She smiled.
"I guess mommy.
I want to talk to my daddy."
I smiled at her and kissed her cheek one more time before dropping the knife and turning around, realizing that my purse was on the rack and so was the rest of my things I carried with me.
I grabbed them and knew no one was going to stop me from walking. Everyone had witnessed my breaking point and when you reach that breaking point in your life you've just got to go and not be bothered. You've got to cool off and vacate. That's exactly what I'm going to do. No family.
No Phonzo. Just Charity and I. Charity and I.
Okay, so how do you guys feel since I got those twenty comments I updated. Next chapter will go to Phonzo on this same exact day told you that so their would be no confusion. Now you know who Johm is. Wow. I know it was probably difficult to read but how do you feel?
40 comments before next update.
