Letting It Go

ix.

3rd April 2020

The letter changed everything. Both literally and figuratively.

So filled with guilt, I missed everything in camp. I didn't attend lectures, I skipped demonstrations, and always ate alone. All I wanted to do was to curl up in my bed and cry.

Radhika, Akash and Adeela(my third friend) all of them tried to talk me out of it. Radhika made sure I was performing basic functions required for living including taking bath everyday, Akash tried to cheer me up by cracking jokes, and Adeela made sure I was sleeping on time even if it included a daily dose of sobbing.

Looking back, I wish I was more considerate. My friends were there for me even though they were grieving too. Adeela always had bags under her eyes, Akash was paler than usual. Radhika was the only one who didn't look like she was grieving, but then again that girl never showed any emotion.

Two days later, I was walking; rather trudging down the camp to the tents. The noise was quite faint as I was away from the dining quarters and the demonstration area was at least a kilometre away. Tightening the hold of my bag, I wished the noise was there. I would rather choose a bunch of sloppy kids chattering loudly than the voice in my head, which didn't let me sleep without guilt. The irony of the situation is rather depressing.

I entered our blue tent, and threw the bag without looking. It accidentally knocked off the pitcher, spilling water all over our sleeping bags and suitcases. Cursing loudly, I begrudgingly grabbed everything and took it outside in the sun to dry.

When I came back, I grabbed the suitcases. We had stuffed Sanjhana's stuff at the end of the tent, yet it always taunted us. Adeela used to sometimes sleep with us, but it never felt right. I had to grab Sanjhana's stuff too, as everything within the tent was soaked with water. As soon as I grabbed her suitcase, a page flew from beneath it. Dropping everything, I caught it. It was addressed to me.