My Chemistry Tutor

CHAPTER 18

JENNIE'S POV

Holy shit! Holy shit!

Lisa and I kissed!

Then I ran away.

I ruined everything!

Oh my gosh, why am I so terrible at everything?

My phone buzzes with a notification, and I check it only to see Lisa's name flashing on the screen. She's calling me again.

My heart stops.

I can't do it. I let it go to voicemail as I sit there frozen, trying to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to say to her.

What am I supposed to tell her? I don't even know what that kiss meant.

I mean, I know I have feelings for her, strong feelings but what if that's not what the kiss meant to her? What if she's just playing with me? What if she doesn't feel the same way?

Why is this so complicated?

But God, why was that kiss so good? Her lips were so soft, she smelled so wonderful, and the way she grabbed me, so strong, so confident, it was hot as hell.

That kiss was amazing. It didn't just feel good, it felt right. And that second kiss? That was the best kiss I've ever had in my life.

Oh my gosh, I can't believe I actually asked for another kiss. That's not me. I'm not the kind of person to just ask for something like that. But in that moment, I felt bold. I thought, what the hell. And I went for it.

"Hey, there you are," Jisoo says, spotting me curled up in the library.

Relief washes over me. "Oh thank God you're okay and didn't get in trouble," I say, standing up to hug her tightly.

"Dude! You were amazing back there. The way you punched Kai, so cool!" Jisoo grins, her eyes sparkling with excitement. Then she glances around. "Hey... where's Lisa?"

"Long story." I sigh.

Her expression sharpens. "What happened?"

I hesitate, then confess quietly, "Well... we ran. Things happened. And... we kissed."

Jisoo's eyes go wide. She just stares at me for a few seconds, completely speechless, before finally snapping out of it.

"Finally!" she says, clapping her hands together, practically bouncing with joy.

"No, not good," I groan, burying my face in my hands. "I ran away from her after."

"What the hell, Jennie! Why would you do that?" Jisoo shakes her head in disbelief.

"I don't know, okay? I panicked!" I admit, frustrated with myself.

Jisoo sighs, her tone softening as she gestures for me to sit down with her.

"Jennie, you can't keep running from your problems. I get it, you're scared. But you keep letting opportunities slip away. You need to have more faith in yourself, and in the idea that things can actually be better."

I stare at her, my chest tight.

"I know your first relationship with that bitch-who-shall-not-be-named was horrible," Jisoo continues, her voice firm, "but not every relationship is going to be like that. Lisa is not her. Lisa is a good person."

"But how do I know it's real?" I whisper. "How do I know if Lisa feels the same way about me? Why do I keep comparing my relationship with Lisa to my ex?"

Jisoo meets my eyes seriously. "Jennie, that's something you'll just have to ask Lisa. Be honest with her, then ask her how she feels about you. I know you're guarded. I know you're scared to open up again because of your ex. But you have the right to love again. You deserve love again. So promise me, you'll give it a shot. Promise me you'll talk to Lisa."

Her words make something in me crack, and I manage a small smile. "I promise. I want to stop being scared all the time. I don't want to keep holding anything back."

LISA'S POV

I come back home around 10 p.m., feeling exhausted and miserable.

I haven't talked to Jennie since we kissed, and it sucks. I miss her already and it hasn't even been a full day.

When I step inside the apartment, the air reeks of alcohol. My mom is drinking with her boyfriend and a couple of her friends, loud laughter echoing through the space.

I don't even bother greeting anyone. I just sigh, walk past them, and head straight to my room. Not one of them notices me not even my own mother.

I shut the door behind me, locking it, and collapse onto my bed. Normally, I'd fall asleep quickly from sheer exhaustion. But not tonight.

Tonight my mind won't stop spinning.

I can't stop thinking about Jennie.

I just want to hold her again, to kiss her again, to finally tell her how I feel. I want her to know how important she is to me. How she's the only person who makes me truly happy.

I get up to change into pajamas, and when I open my drawer, my eyes land on the shirt Jennie let me borrow when I stayed over at her house.

My chest tightens. I pull it out and slip it on it smells faintly like her still. Just having it on makes me feel... better.

I'm about to crawl into bed when I hear a loud crash from the living room. My stomach drops.

I rush out to find my mom standing over broken shards of glass scattered across the floor. Another wine bottle, smashed.

"Mom, you need to be more careful. This is like the third wine bottle you've dropped this month."

"Fuck it, who cares!" she shouts, stumbling slightly.

"Mom, please don't say that," I beg, kneeling to pick up the pieces.

"I'm out of alcohol," she whines, yanking open cabinets. "Give me money so I can get more."

"No, Mom. It's late. You need to go to sleep," I say firmly, my voice tight.

"No! I want more to drink now! Give me money!" she screams again.

"I can't, Mom," I reply, my voice trembling with both fear and anger.

Her eyes narrow. "Okay, look. I didn't take care of you all these years just to be treated horribly like this now. So give me your money so I can get more drinks!"

That's it. I snap.

"No! I am the one who's been taking care of you! I'm the one who works, who pays the rent, who buys the food. I'm the one cleaning up after you every single day. You don't do shit!" My voice cracks, but I don't stop. "I'm your daughter, not your mother. It shouldn't be like this."

Her face twists with rage. "Listen here, you pathetic brat. I will not let you talk to me like this! Do you think I wanted to take care of you? I never wanted you. All you ever did was remind me of your dad. He hurt me when he left me and all he left me with was you! I hate you!"

The words slam into me like a knife to the chest.

"I hate you! You ruined my life!" she screams before raising her hand and slapping me across the face.

The sting burns instantly, and I press my hand against my cheek as tears spill down my face.

I can't breathe.

I didn't know she hated me. I thought... I thought somewhere deep down, under all the anger and alcohol, she loved me. I thought she cared. But I was wrong.

I can't let her say another word.

I bolt to my room, throwing clothes into a bag with shaking hands, her voice screaming obscenities behind me. I don't look back.

I run out the door, tears streaming down my face, and into the cold night.

I can't stay there anymore. I just can't. It hurts too much.

I feel so betrayed. So abandoned. So utterly alone.

But I know where I need to be.

I need to be with the one person who makes me feel safe.

I need to be with Jennie.