40: Pure forms of Love

10 0 0
                                    

"Namjoon, are you mad at me?"
"Why would I be mad Hyung?"
His lips parted to reveal his magnificent dimple. Why would he be mad at him? How can he be mad at him? Yoongi smiled,
"Well, if you didn't know, something's going on between me and Jisoo. No it's not love. But it isn't less than love. I like her company, and hopefully, she likes mine as well. But you had a history with her. You used to love Jisoo from the bottom of the heart..."
"Hyung, there's a difference between 'used to love' and 'in love'. I USED TO LOVE Jisoo. But I'm  IN LOVE with Jennie now. Jennie was always someone I feared to lose. Jisoo. Jisoo was just someone who filled in the absence Jennie left. She wasn't Jennie, but she wasn't less. She had a warm smile and a fun gaze. Maybe she was like Jennie in a few ways. And then I fell. I fell harder than I ever thought I would. But it's all in the past now. I don't feel guilty, not even one bit, for loving her. She is someone who deserves love. I'm actually glad that I was friends and had a crush on someone like Jisoo. But the clock has it's own pace. I see Jisoo as a friend now. A friend with lots of memories."
Yoongi hummed at his little brother, his hands shoved a dirty, crumpled paper into Namjoon's pocket,
"This is the last report I got."

Ink worn out in places. Some parts were nibbled by mere cockroaches. But through the broken letters and smeared ink smiled an old photo.

Name: Kim Namjoon Birth Date: September 12, 1994Blood type: A

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

Name: Kim Namjoon
Birth Date: September 12, 1994
Blood type: A

Kim Namjoon, was reported missing on the afternoon of Sunday, 13th April. His parents, reported that, earlier today, the boy was seen plucking flowers and playing in the field near their house.
Neighbours, when asked about any unusual spottings, stated about seeing a lady, around her 20s. She was described as odd and bony. One of the neighbours who had seen her stated that she wore really heavy and flowy velvet gowns, which people usually don't wear in the summer. As she mentioned, the woman's waist had been synched down with the help of a corset. Her head was covered with a scarf, almost shielding most of her feautures, her eyes were covered using a sharp cat eye sunglass. She was wearing heels and had a bouquet in her hand. She was last spotted driving away from the field Namjoon had gone missing from, approximately around 3 in the afternoon. This was also the time around which Kim Namjoon went missing.

Men are meant to be tough. Men should never cry. Men should deal with pain with a smile. Men are meant to be heroes. Men can never break down.

Namjoon walked outside. The streets howling as the water droplets fell simultaneously from the clouds. He fell down on his knees. His tears being brushed away by the sky's. It felt nice to cry, in the rain.

Does crying make him less a man? No! It doesn't! It actually makes him more of a human who embraces his mistakes and himself.

He has accepted his past. He doesn't fight to forget it. Instead he picks up the pieces. How he turned oit to be the leader. How he stayed calm.
He has accepted his traumas. The unfed evenings. The nauseous nights. The beatings before breakfasts. The leathers before lunch. He has accepted them all.
Yes, they are the worst memories. He wants to throw them away. He wants restart. But he can't. He tried several times. So, he has decided to grow up. He has decided to keep moving on.  He can't stop. Yeah, it stings. He still sees the young Namjoon, when he looks in the mirror. Especially at nights. The sleepless nights.
Would it be too hard to ask for one night where he would sleep? Would it be too hard to ask for just one dream? A dream? What does he wish to see? A garden, a nice childhood, the years he missed out because of Kim Su-Bong? He doesn't know. No no! He partially knows! A part of him wants to dream about his mandu. His Jennie.
Dreams? No! She is close to him now. Why would he need to dream? But what if they fall out? Jennie is a convict. They are bound to fall apart!
Namjoon shook his head! No no no! She can't leave him! He would be... He would be... Fine. Yeah, he would be fine, but incomplete. Maybe he would move on with his life, with a smile on his lips. But at the end of the day, he would hold their memories tight. He can't do anything but move on, if they fall apart. He won't let go any of the pleasant memories. Neither would he let go of the dark times. Only thing he would let go would be a body. The body of Jennie Kim. He would keep her heart and soul forever, in exchange of his ofcourse.

The rain stopped. Or did it? Namjoon looked up and saw a smile. A bright eye smile. The broken, yet comforting figure held an umbrella,
"Hyung, you'd catch a cold at this rate."
"Ji-min?"
"Yes that's me!"
His smile widened, soon morphing into a small chuckle. Namjoon's dimples also peeked out, grabbing the opportunity.
Jimin was like his little brother. A brother who would take care of him. A brother who would sneak in some cans of beer during night shifts, just in case. A brother who would never leave him. A brother who had his back.
"Hyung, let's go. There's this new korean bbq restaurant next to my place, so let's have a bro date."
Jimin said as he pulled up Joon. Joon smiled and tried his best not to hug Jimin. Jimin saw that and jumped in for a hug. Namjoon felt a sudden peace inside him. As if Jimin was giving him a small portion of energy. As if Jimin was charging him.

=> Appa, I'm sorry that I couldn't receive your call. I was busy with some work. Take care of yourself and mom. I miss you guys. Saranghae.

Namjoon slid the phone back into his pocket. His chest felt less heavy. As if he had shed a burden. He felt good. He felt less emotions. He only felt grateful. Grateful to them.

BittersweetWhere stories live. Discover now