Bittersweet

37: This is How Goodbye Feels?

The air around them felt heavier. Kiera stood there, tears in her eyes, falling simultaneously. She bit her bottom lips and her long nails dug through her skin. Taehyung was standing there motionless. He wasn't feeling anything. Completely blank. Kiera was howling. Almost. But Taehyung. Taehyung was just still. As if nothing in this world mattered to him any longer. As if he was dead. He felt nothing. His mind all fuzzy. He couldn't think properly. As if under a drug. He couldn't think much. He wanted to just fuck everything up. On the other hand Kiera, felt the complete opposite. She felt like crying and breaking down. She was thinking too much. She was asking herself questions. The voice inside her head was concerned for the first time.

"Kiera? Are you really doubting yourself?"
Taehyung was calm and composed. But his gaze was chaotic. The same sanpaku eyes. Kiera sobbed,
"Yes! I am doubting myself! I can't be with a cop! I'm a damn criminal! I really can't love you. Even if the love's true, you are a cop at the end of the day! We got differences. Can we even merge?"
"Kiera, this isn't you. You never think about these things. Tell me, is it Tzuyu?"
"No! It's me. I don't belong here. What happens when I die? We'd just get hurt at the end of the day."
Her knees felt weak. Her head was full of thoughts. It was the first time in forever she had thought this much. Her eyes were burning and her hair was tied into a bun. Weird right? So is what's going inside her.
She sniffled and rubbed her tears away vigorously. Her sharp movements made the bun lose it's shape. Her locks fell with a sudden jerk and bounced down her waist. Her messy hair was back. So was Kiera. She stood up and looked into Taehyung's eyes,
"Kim Taehyung, do you really love me? Do you really want me?"
Taehyung taken aback by the confidence in her voice. As if nothing happened. But again, it was The Queen. The Queen Of Hearts. Taehyung smiled,
"Is that even a question..."
"Yes or no?"
"Kiera, let's calm..."
"FUCKING YES OR NO? CHOOSE A FUCKING OPTION!"
Taehyung took a step back. Kiera was howling. She was a crying mess. Like a little toddler. Her saliva was choking her and she vouldn't even yell. Her eyes and nose and cheeks red. Taehyung wrapped his arms around her,
"Ofcourse Yes Doll. I love you. I want you. More than anything in this whole world okay?"

"Then leave everything for me."
Kiera said bluntly. As if it was the most normal thing for a lover to ask the other. Taehyung cocked his eyebrows,
"What do you mean Doll?"
"Leave this job Taehyung. I'm a criminal, you are a cop. I mean if I could leave the dark, I would. But I got myself way too deep in this habit. I can't do anything else other than this. I wouldn't think one bit if I could."
Taehyung's arms loosened around her. He stepped back. Shock plastered all over his face. He gasped,
"Kiera... How could you say this? You are dragging me to your side? You are trying to change me. Not for the better but for the worse. Kiera how could you?"
"I don't know Taehyung. I only know I need you and this is the only way I can think of."
Kiera sobbed. Her face buried in her palms. Taehyung stood there. Feeling bittersweet.

"Kiera, if this is all you want then... Then I'm not up for it. If this is all your love brings me to. Then I'm not up for it. It's true, you'd always be inside my head and heart. But it's better to part ways I guess. I gave you my everything in exchange of yours. It won't be easy to let go of you. I might not even let go of you ever. I might as well just keep your memories engraved deep in my heart. But I'd let go your body. I'd let go the chance to see you apart from my imaginations and dreams. Cause, if all your love brings me to is this, then it's better to let go. It's better to get hurt alone. So for the last time?"
Taehyung lessened the gap between them. Kiera rubbed her eyes and almost plunged at his lips. Their tears merged into one. They kissed. They kissed as their lips exchanged the emotions for a last time. They kissed as their hearts joined for the last time. They kissed as their body's felt each other for a last time. For the last time. So this is how good bye feels?

So this is how a goodbye feels? Does Goodbye feel like a pulling your lips into a smile even though you are breaking inside? Is goodbye supposed to feel like flying away but with broken wings? Has goodbyes always felt like a spear through a beating heart? A feeling of regret? A feeling of unfulfillment? As if something's hollow and empty and broken? Is it what a goodbye feels like? Or was it just them?

They both let go. Kiera fell down on her knees. Her world going blurry. It was back. The effect was back. The same old drug. The same old hangover. Everything was just blinding smoke to her again. Everything was just non existent again.
Taehyung wanted to pick her up and assure her. But Taehyung was nobody to her now. How vould he even touch her now?
A tear glided smoothly out of his eyes. Nobody. A big word. But it's smaller conpared to what he was feeling now. He felt like dead inside. As if nothing was alive. It was just a hollow chamber inside. The heart wasn't pumping the blood in and out, neither were the lungs taking in air. His mind had stopped without a warning and his senses had disappeared long ago. He was just a hollow chamber now.

"Taehyung?"
Chaerin saw her junior. She was shocked at first, to see one of her strongest men falling.
Taehyung rubbed his tears and bowed to her,
"Good evening Sunbaenim."
She rolled her eyes,
"Is it really a good evening Taehyung? Think again. You are breaking inside, I know. Listen up, you are like my younger brother. I know how heartbreak feels..."
Taehyung's eyes widened. His tomato red face even more red from surprise, he stammered,
"How do you..."
"How do I know? Oh, everyone knows about it by now Taehyung! Kiera right?"
Chaerin sighed. That girl really got something. Kiera...