The Show Must Go On

26

"I'd like to exclude myself. I'm not part of that circle of friends." 

Moonbin rolled his eyes while helping me pack my things. We're here inside the practice room and he visited me because they have no schedule. 

"Just go with me." he kept on insisting. I almost hit him, he's so annoying. 

"you know how much I'm avoiding jungkook-" 

"because who told you to give him lame excuses, and ask me first! I'm willing to be your cover up, of course I'm your friend." he shook his head. 

"that's not the point! Don't mention it, will you?" I glared at him. 

"But sieon will come. I know she's suspicious for you."he smirked. 

I stopped closing my bag and looked at him. 

"I'm not going." I game him a sarcastic  smile and took my bag. 

The other members went out of the building first because they know moonbin and I are hanging out today. 

"come on… I'll help you with your investigation." he emphasized the word investigation. 

He took my bag so he could carry it. We stopped in front of the elevator and waited for it to open. 

But the idea of sieon being in that hang out was still running inside my head. I still have doubt about her. She's always been there for jungkook and supported us? 

She was there when we're talking about the contract, in the event. She told me to stop approaching and seeing jungkook. Is she's just a friend to him, she won't feel bitter whenever we see each other. She tried to be friendly, yet I believe in my gut feelings. 

"I'm going." I said. 

A ghost of smile crept on moonbin's lips.  His smile went wider and wider. 

"you're creepy. Stop smiling." 

He just shrugged. We went in a private restaurant to eat and talk about what happened in our lives. 

"I heard your company will debut a new girl group?" he asked. 

I nodded. "yeah, and we're renewing our contract next month." 

"are you still gonna renew?" 

I stopped eating. "of course, you know I love my job." 

He knows how hard I practice just to be good in dancing, and in singing as well. 

"It's good to see you back." he smiled. "you almost lost your interest, pain changed you and made you unmotivated." 

I chew my food slowly remembering those times. Medias were everywhere, asking about what happened, fans messaging me that we should get back. Pain is part of the process of healing and loving. 

I don't know why I am willing to feel that pain just to love him. I am willing to cry buckets, and hurt myself emotionally over and over again because of him. 

Is the love I am feeling is healthy? Is it toxic? Should I stop? 

I told myself to stop so many times, but I still didn't. 

Is he worth it? Do I really love him? Or I'm just being attached to the idea that we could be together, and challenged if we could be together even if we're in this industry? 

I looked at the man in front of me. "Do you think we could work?" I asked. He almost choke when he heard my question. "jungkook and I? Do you think we could still work?"