The Show Must Go On

28

"hey.." 

A familiar voice spoke beside me. He tapped my back, his hand fell to my arm to hold it firmly so I could face him. His lips shakes as he hold himself from laughing. 

I have the urge to hit him but I weak because of what's happening right now. I'm tired, I feel weak. 

His hand move from my arm to my hand to pull me for a hug, and I found a comfort. He tapped my back gently, and he's even swaying that made me laugh. 

"why did I even call you?" I laughed and wiped the tears that escaped from my eyes. 

"because I'm your loyal friend!" he spread his arms proudly. 

I rolled my eyes and sigh. I sat on the wooden bench and stare at the pond, with a green water and lilies on it. 

"so…" he grunted as he sit beside me. "what's with the sudden disbandment?" 

I leaned on the bench and put my head up so I could stare at the clear sky this time. 

"do I deserve all of this?" I uttered. 

"no.." he answered without hesitation. 

I smiled. "we finally bid goodbye to each other, for the last time. I'm not holding back, I'm moving forward." I shared. "just when I thought I am moving forward, a problem strikes again. People I trusted the most, is now the people I am disgusted with. I feel betrayed." 

It hurt me because, I thought they care about us, the betrayal came from the people I treated as a family. I trusted them blindly, and now that it happened they proved to me that I am really blind. 

They don't care in the first place, they needed me or us because they could get benefits. 

"do you want me to tell all of this to jungkook?" he asked and I shook my head immediately. 

"he has nothing to do with me now." 

The rumors about us dating again die down immediately. Maybe Bang PD paid some big media companies to turn it down. BTS made their way to abroad, they're always in the news. 

We lost connections. Everytime I walk on the streets I see them on LED screens, on newspapers saying that another achievement has been unlocked for them. 

Maybe, I was really the one who's holding him back. 

It's been a month since our group has been disbanded. There are still people who support us, yerin signed to an entertainment, and Yuju has OST projects. Sowon and eunha chose to rest, umji is deciding to study for college again for a degree, and me? 

I have never been this free. I'm losing hope with pursuing my passion. I'm exhausted, I don't know why. 

"why don't you start a dance studio?" 

Moonbin stood up from the couch and went to my kitchen. I'm still staying here in Seoul. I still don't want to go back home, something is still missing with my life. And I know that I can find it here. 

"you declined to sign a contract to an entertainment, then why are you still here?" he asked and glared at me. 

I'm still silent while watching him making himself a coffee. They're preparing for their comeback and he's sleeping here sometimes of he's so tired to go home.