(FINISHED) Skater Boys- JakeHoon (ENHYPEN)

-10-

(Me after PTD like ^^^)

SUNGHOON'S POV

TW// Throwing up, Panic Attacks

Sunghoon groaned and sat up slowly in his bed, careful not to wake up the sleeping boy beside him. He made a beeline for the bathroom and nearly slammed the door behind him once he got in there, hunching over the toilet and painfully emptying his stomach contents out into the porcelain bowl. He hated the feeling of throwing up, as it brought back bad memories of a really dark time in his life.

He barely mustered up enough energy to flush the toilet before sliding back onto the floor and curling up into a ball, the pain he was feeling causing him such anguish that he didn't dare sit back up. He felt tears roll down his cheeks, and before he could stop himself, he was crying. He couldn't stop the thoughts from flooding into his brain, bringing back feelings he hasn't felt in a while.

Sunghoon couldn't help but feel small, pathetic, and alone right now. All he could do was lie on the cold tile and hopelessly marinate in his misery. He thought about many things, like how his parents couldn't care less about his emotional wellbeing, or how his younger sister hadn't bothered to visit in years, or how he himself was a selfish idiot who only cared about himself.

While Sunghoon was too busy working himself up into a mental breakdown, the door to the bathroom creaked open, followed by the sound of frantic footsteps and quiet concerned murmuring.

"Sunghoonie, look at me!" Sunghoon felt himself get lifted up by the waist and sat up against the wall. He looked up to see a concerned looking Jake kneeling down in front of him, placing his hands down on Sunghoon's shoulders.

Sunghoon avoided eye contact with the older boy and kept his eyes trained on the tile floor, he felt that if he were to meet Jake's eyes, he would burst into another panic attack.

He felt Jake's soft hand cup his chin, forcing his head up so that their faces were right in front of the other's. Sunghoon sighed and took his eyes off the floor, switching to stare into Jake's dark brown eyes- which were filled to the brim with worry and another feeling that Sunghoon couldn't identify.

"You're okay, Sunghoon-ah. I'm here... there's nothing to worry about." Jake said as he moved his hand and pulled Sunghoon forward into a tight but gentle hug.

The two boys sat there on the bathroom floor for a while before Jake managed to drag Sunghoon back into the bedroom and lay down on his bed. The sky was still dark, and the clock on the wall told them that it was currently 4 AM.

Sunghoon laid on his side, facing the wall as he felt awkward and ashamed for waking Jake up in the early morning just because of his outbursts. He couldn't bring himself to look the other male in the eye, he was too scared for what he would see.

After a minute or so of complete silence between the two boys, Sunghoon was surprised when he felt two arms wrap around his middle, the face connected to them pressing into his back. If the ravenette wasn't in emotional distress at the moment, he would probably be a blushing mess.

"Sunghoon-ah...tell me what's the matter." Jake whispered into the fabric of Sunghoon's shirt, his warm breath immediately providing a calming effect on the boy beside him. Suddenly, Sunghoon wasn't having the urge to cry anymore. It was almost like magic. That's what Jake did for Sunghoon all the time without knowing... he provided a sense of stability that the younger boy couldn't find anywhere else. It was so special... and Sunghoon never wanted to let it go.

"I..." Sunghoon started, but he struggled to find the right words to say. Jake had said so many times that he wanted to help Sunghoon, wanted to know what was wrong so he could help fix it, but Sunghoon couldn't identify exactly what the problem was. All he knew was that he didn't want to be alone, because he was scared. He was scared of the feeling that made it's way into his heart and mind, making him overthink and overanalyze everything to the point where it just made him want to stop everything and sleep forever. It was dark, and it was scary, like a shadow that threatened to consume his mind.

The feeling didn't come around often, but when it did, it hit with full force. It was something that was rooted deep within Sunghoon's mind that had snuck its way in there early in his childhood. It was like a parasite that sucked the joy and energy out of his life, slowly, bit by bit. It ate away his happiness until all he could do was lie in bed and hope for someone to come along and save him.

Sunghoon didn't even realize he was crying until he felt Jake's hand wipe a tear away from his face. He breathed in a deep, shaky breath and sighed, trying his best to make himself feel a bit calmer.

But he couldn't stop the tears from falling, and soon enough, he was crying again. His body was trembling, and he felt cold, miserable, and helpless. He didn't want Jake to see him like this, it was too embarrassing.

Sunghoon sat up quickly and got up from the bed, frantically making his way to the other side of the room until he stood just in front of his wardrobe. He faced the wall, subconsciously wrapping his arms around himself in a feeble attempt to slow down his rapid breathing. He grabbed at his shirt and aggressively pulled it upwards, using it to wipe the tears off his face.

He stood there for a few moments, just staring at the wall as he tried so desperately to calm himself down. He didn't want to have another breakdown.

But no matter what he tried, he couldn't slow his breaths, and soon he was fighting for air. He clutched at the fabric of his shirt and squeezed it will all his might.

"I-I can't..." he gasped as his shirt dampened with sweat and tears as his body shook furiously.

"Sunghoon! What's the matter?! Hoon-ah, breathe please!" Sunghoon heard Jake run over to him and soon felt the boy's hands grab him by the shoulders, turning him around and sitting him up against the wall so that he was facing the older boy.

Jake's eyes looked over Sunghoon's body frantically, as if he was trying to find something that was causing Sunghoon's pain. But then, something seemed to click as he suddenly gasped and looked Sunghoon dead in the eyes, grabbing at the boy's hands and holding them delicately.

"Sunghoon, look me in the eyes."

Sunghoon obeyed the older boy, lifting his eyes and connecting their gazes. He nearly gasped at the emotion he saw within the deep brown of Jake's eyes. There was so much worry and concern, so much turmoil that it got Sunghoon shocked. He stared into Jake's eyes for a minute, his previous troubles nearly forgotten as he examined the characteristics of Jake's eyes- his pupils, his deep brown irises, and his eyelashes, that were surprisingly long.

Suddenly, Sunghoon's breathing was slowed, he didn't even notice when Jake grabbed his hand and placed it on his own chest. The two boys kept eye contact, and Sunghoon was so caught up in the trance of Jake's intense expressions, he didnt even notice as he was pulled up off the floor and standing up straight again, one hand holding Jake's, and the other pressed against the older boy's chest.

"Can you feel my heart beat?" Jake suddenly asked, breaking the tense silence. Sunghoon looked down at his hand and back up at Jake's face, his face breaking into a shy little smile as he did indeed feel the thump of Jake's heart against the palm of his hand.

"Yeah..." he murmured, shyly gazing down at their interconnected hands.

"Are you okay now?" Jake's voice held a certain tone that made Sunghoon's heart flutter. He could tell that Jake genuinely cared about him, and he felt so happy at the moment to have someone like the boy in front of him to calm him down.

"I'm okay." Sunghoon looked up again and smiled, assuring Jake that now, he did indeed feel okay. Better than okay, actually. He felt great. Great, now that he knew that he would always have Jake right by his side. Somehow he knew that, and he didn't know how, but he could tell that Jake felt the same way.

"That's good." Jake said with a light little chuckle, slowly bringing Sunghoon into a warm hug. "You had me scared, Sunghoon-ah."

끝

Ok, that was an emotional rollercoaster, wasn't it? But tbh, that's usually how a breakdown is. People always seem to think that there's something that particularly triggers it, but that's not always the case. Sometimes, you just wake up and feel shitty, and there's nothing you can do about it. Trust me, I know from countless experiences that this is true.
Anyways, have a good day everyone and please remember to take care of yourself and drink water, eat, all that jazz. Love you! 🌸💙🌸